Thursday, December 15, 2011

Going viral with murderous rage


It travels faster than light, it's free and it has the power to create a star overnight. An old-timer explores a world that's going viral.

BC: I don't get it.

AD: Get what?

BC: Over 20 million hits and it’s still going strong. What exactly is this phenomenon?

AD: The question's not 'what', but 'why'. Why this...

BC: Stop! Please…! I have it coming out of my ears...

AD: I must say we're having an overdose of it now. Newspapers, blogs, Facebook forwards, tweets and a zillion versions, not to mention Hitler raging over the hit number…

BC: Things are so bad that a few days back, I saw an article on Karlovy Vary, a spa city in the Czech Republic, and you can imagine what I mistook it for...

AD: So you've made the song a hit even in the Czech Republic.

BC: Don’t tell me! But how do these things become such a craze?

AD: What happens when you sneeze?

BC: Why are you revisiting my Class 3 science lesson?

AD: For the simple reason that viral videos and messages are transmitted the same way. You post or upload content online. If it catches the fancy of other netizens, they share it, forward it, tweet about it and recommend it to their friends or networks. Soon, your post becomes a rage.

BC: Sounds like a great way to market your skills - free of cost.

AD: That's right, can you imagine a 14-year old becoming a singing sensation because of a single song uploaded on various social media sites?

BC: Who is this?

AD: Rebecca Black - apparently her video has been viewed around 167 million times. She is widely hailed as the female Justin Bieber.

BC: And who might he be?

AD: I should have known. Your generation would never know anyone who's just in. Justin Bieber is another teen sensation who became popular because of his viral videos that were seen by millions. He's a star today.

BC: Sounds like a great avenue for careers.

AD: In fact, a viral video on YouTube has given a voice-over artist a new lease of life.

BC: Wow!

AD: Ted Williams was out of a job, homeless and drifting, when his video went viral. In 48 hours, it had received over 13 million hits and Ted Williams, a couple of job offers.

BC: This sounds fascinating... So why can't companies use this method to promote their products?

AD: Google announced the launch of its Chrome browser through a 38-page online comic book that has now become a collector's item. The funny part was that the comics became widely circulated and forwarded before the browser was launched. Google had to rush things to ensure an early launch because the buzz had become tremendous by then.

BC: I guess information or videos leaked without one's knowledge can create havoc.

AD: Like the ‘Starwars kid’ video. A video of Ghyslain Razaa playing with a golf ball retriever was circulated online by his friends without his knowledge and viewed over a billion times. Unfortunately, it led to him dropping out of school because of all the teasing – he had to go through psychiatric treatment.

BC: I'm sure that if this current rage plays another time in my head, I will be locked up in a psychiatric ward for the rest of my life.

AD: That's funny.

BC: What is?

AD: When the world is raving about what it takes for a viral video to spread, it takes someone from your generation to go raving mad about a viral video taking you to the shrink.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

A world with five computers


There are three things one should never trust in technology – obsolete hardware, pirated software and predictions.

AD: What's that you're staring at?

BC: It's a Mayan calendar.

AD: Why, aren’t there enough dates in the Gregorian calendar?

BC: No, I was just trying to figure out when the world was coming to an end...

AD: What?

BC: Didn’t the Mayans predict that the world would end in 2012?

AD: Listen, the end of the world has been predicted many times over... only, it's yet to happen.

BC: Aren't you glad?

AD: No, I don't believe in them... Would you believe me if I told you that starting 2012, computers will never suffer from virus attacks?

BC: That's wishful thinking...

AD: What would you say to a person who, in 2004, said that the problem of spam would be solved in two years?

BC: He has no clue about technology.

AD: What about the person who is reported to have said that there was a world market for only five computers?

BC: Absurd!

AD: You've just called Bill Gates clueless and Thomas Watson, ex-Chairman of IBM, absurd.

BC: Wait, I didn't call them anything. I just reacted to what they said!

AD: And how would you react to someone telling you that iPhones will never get impressive numbers in the market?

BC: Well, he's got the wrong number, for sure...

AD: You’ve just hung up on Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft.

BC: The press must have had a ball about IT bosses going famously wrong...

AD: Don't know about that, but way back in 1966, the press did get it wrong about online shopping - a magazine had famously predicted that 'remote shopping' would never be a hit.

BC: Must have been a magazine that wasn't in with the times.

AD: It was TIME magazine – are you calling them outdated?

BC: No, I was...

AD: Speaking of online shopping, in 1999, a famous personality doubted if Amazon could ever make substantial profits by selling books online.

BC: Must have been someone who never bought books.

AD: If he never bought books, it was probably because he was too busy writing them... It was Thomas Friedman, a much-published author and journalist.

BC: Isn’t it ironical that even buying an old-fashioned book requires a computer and an internet connection at home?

AD: And what if a technology leader states that no one would want a computer in their home?

BC: You mean someone other that Thomas Watson said that?

AD: Looks like there were quite a few people who were as sceptical about technology as you are.

BC: Look, don't start this all over again...

AD: I didn't, Ken Olsen, founder of Digital Equipment Corp did. But this was back in the 70s when home computers weren't around...

BC: So how were they to know…

AD: Absolutely! Three years ago, if someone had predicted that over 400 million people would log in to a particular site and post over 250 million photos day after day, would you have believed them?

BC: 400 million users... It has to be Facebook! I've seen a graphic which says that the site gets almost 700,000 status updates each minute.

AD: Accept it, technology is impossible to predict.

BC: No way, I can make two accurate predictions, both involving technology...

AD: I'm waiting...

BC: One, I will forever be trying to convince you about our overdependence on technology. And two, you will continue to disagree with me.

AD: Cherish this moment, because... I agree!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

A taste of technology


There's always something new cooking in the tech world – and most of it is sweet.

AD: Hi, weren't you looking for a mobile a couple of months ago? Did you buy one?

BC: I just couldn’t decide... All of them sounded so complicated….

AD: Why don’t you get the latest – Samsung Galaxy Nexus - with an Ice Cream Sandwich?

BC: Is that an offer? Buy a mobile phone and get an ice cream sandwich free?

AD: No, Ice Cream Sandwich is the latest version of Google’s Android operating system.

BC: Why name an OS after a food item?

AD: They're just trying to find a way to get guys like you to work up an appetite for technology.

BC: You haven't answered my question though...

AD: Well, first, there was nothing…

BC: Are you starting from God creating heaven and earth?

AD: No, what I meant was that the Android OS, Version 1.1 did not have a name.

BC: So how did the saccharine connotation come about?

AD: Google’s next big release was Android Version 1.5, codenamed cupcake…

BC: And that was how it all started…

AD: Yes, ‘cupcake’ was followed up with Android Version 1.6 – Donut.

BC: What was next – Éclair?

AD: Was that a lucky guess? It was Éclair – Android 2.0.

BC: But why Éclair?

AD: Perhaps there were so many new features that they needed something bigger than a donut!

BC: So each version was named after a dessert item.

AD: They didn’t stop with that, they named them in alphabetical order too. Cupcake, Donut, Éclair… the next was Froyo, Android 2.2.

BC: Froyo?

AD: Yup, stands for ‘frozen yoghurt’.

BC: Was it meant to be a sweet and sour experience for users?

AD: It was lip-smacking! Froyo was succeeded by Gingerbread – Android 2.3.

BC: Maybe each new version had to be celebrated and hence a dessert name…

AD: Perhaps! Apparently, gingerbread is part of the year-end celebrations in the US, and this version was released in December 2010, so…

BC: That figures.

AD: The next version of Android OS – Honeycomb - was launched exclusively for tablets.

BC: After all these desserts, I’m sure you’ll need a tablet.

AD: Oh c’mon, you know what I’m referring to. And now, Version 4.0 is being launched this month…

BC: Ice Cream Sandwich!

AD: You got it!

BC: With India becoming a huge market for these devices, do you think the next version could be called Jalebi?

AD: Why don’t you write to Google? They might give you a job…

BC: …in the kitchen, where I’ll be making sweets.

AD: I don’t think they’ll want to risk their lives.

BC: I’m still curious – why desserts?

AD: The Google team prefers to be secretive about this, so all we can do is guess. There are other 'sweet-sounding' names as well. Peppermint is an open source operating system based on Ubuntu Linux. Muffin is a proxy software that filters web content...

BC: I always thought that a name should convey a category, a benefit or an innovation…

AD: That’s conventional thinking. Companies follow their own nomenclature when it comes to naming products… For instance, Apple names its Mac OS X versions after cats – Cheetah, Puma, Jaguar, Panther, Tiger, Leopard, and so on.

BC: Isn’t it funny?

AD: What is?

BC: Half of technology is named after food we love to feast on. The other half is named after cats that love to feast on us.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Remembering our i-cons


Why are we so selective in remembering the people who matter, wonders an old-timer.

BC: Hi, why the sad sack impersonation?

AD: Just reading a whole lot of touching tributes to Steve Jobs. It's almost a month since he passed away, and the messages are still pouring in...

BC: That's the impact the man has had on billions of lives. Incidentally, the world lost another genius exactly a week later.

AD: Who?

BC: Dennis Ritchie.

AD: Who was he?

BC: Isn't it ironical that we know Steve Jobs so well, but have hardly heard of Dennis Ritchie?

AD: It’s not. Steve Jobs designed devices that are so popular - from iMacs to iPods, iPads and iPhones...

BC: Dennis Ritchie was the father of C, the programming language, and he co-created the Unix operating system.

AD: So?

BC: Your browsers, servers and almost everything on the web, owe their origin to C or one of its derivatives. And most of the operating systems in existence today, including Apple's OS for all its devices are Unix-based.

AD: Really?

BC: Yes! So you see, if Steve Jobs was the guru of gizmos, Dennis Ritchie was considered the ‘man who shaped the digital era’.

AD: Interesting, but I'm surprised that you know about him.

BC: I read a brilliant piece about him on the web a fortnight ago... that was when I realised his contribution to our present world.

AD: The iPod and the Mac are so much a part of our lives... not quite the case with C.

BC: Is the ice cream scoop a part of your life?

AD: Guess so.

BC: Who invented it?

AD: I don't remember...

BC: In other words, you don't know. You wouldn't happen to know who invented the bottle opener or the dishwasher or the...

AD: Listen, spare me, I’m not into quizzing.

BC: If Steve Jobs is popular because he developed so many devices that we use on an everyday basis...

AD: But Steve Jobs gave us the latest in technology - the rest of your examples are mundane kitchen items...

BC: Technology? Let’s see... there have been so many versions of Apple computers over the decades. In less than five years, we have seen five generations of the iPhone. But do you know that the ice cream scoop has remained untouched by technology? It’s remained unchanged for over 110 years now…

AD: Really?

BC: Yes! So why should the ‘lowly’ ice cream scoop be any lesser than a modern device, especially when it is thumbing its nose at technology?

AD: Unless you're particular about a play on words, I don't see how anyone can compare an iPhone and icecream...

BC: The human mind is so fickle – on one hand, we fail to give credit where it's due, and on the other, we simply follow the mob. Today, even someone who hasn't heard of Apple computers is empowered to click a ‘like’ button on a eulogy to Steve Jobs.

AD: Look, I can use an iPhone or iPad to find out who Steve Jobs is. But I can eat all the ice cream in the world and it won’t lead me to the inventor of the ice cream scoop. Incidentally, who created it?

BC: Alfred L Cralle, an Afro-American inventor…

AD: Never heard of him…

BC: Perhaps he should have called it the i-scoop and advertised that it does not require a power source, maintenance or upgrades. Your generation would have i-dolised him for sure.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Smartboards, smarter kids?


Is technology that is entering classrooms really making kids smarter? An old-timer has his doubts…

BC: Hey, what’s this I see? The hand that clicks the mouse is holding a pen…

AD: Yes, I’m writing a letter to my grandmom. She refuses to read e-mails…

BC: You should have become a doctor.

AD: Hey, my handwriting’s not all that bad!

BC: I don’t blame it on you though…

AD: Let me guess, you’re going to blame it on technology.

BC: I shudder to think of the digital generation – or gen z as you call them. They just text, type, click...

AD: They seem to be doing just fine…

BC: Technology has taken over classrooms – I just can’t imagine classrooms with no blackboards…

AD: But smartboards are here - don’t they make learning fun?

BC: Isn’t it ironical that the same technology that helps them learn also prevents them from learning?

AD: What do you mean?

BC: Most of them hardly write, so their handwriting is… well, you need software to decode it. Besides, they don't know how to spell. A word processor takes care of the spelling and grammar.

AD: You just can’t write them off because…

BC: Forget writing, they can’t do mental calculations either. For instance, they can’t multiply to save their lives.

AD: Isn’t that why God created rabbits?

BC: Very funny! And what happens when students are extremely tech-savvy, but the teachers are averse to technology?

AD: Like you?

BC: I’ll ignore that… With online assignments and downloadable tests, how do teachers find out if the submission is original when students turn it in?

AD: By using turn it in.

BC: What was that?

AD: Turnitin.com is a web site that has a filter to detect plagiarised content, so teachers can spot assignments that have been copied.

BC: That would be a bitter pill to swallow for naughty students, wouldn’t it?

AD: Yes, that's possibly the reason why technology brings in something sweet as well.

BC: Like what?

AD: Sugar!

BC: Excuse me?

AD: Sugar is a desktop environment developed as part of the One Laptop per Child (OLPC) project for school kids. Quanta Computer has developed low-cost notebooks computers for the purpose.

BC: I can’t believe all this is happening. Students take notes on Google Docs, use chat to share ideas, discuss lessons on blogs...

AD: Teachers are not too far behind. I’ve heard of some using Twitter to send out assignments and reminders.

BC: In my days, we went to school to study and excel.

AD: And today?

BC: You need Excel to go to school and study.

AD: You’re talking about traditional schools. Did you know that almost 85 years ago, they were talking of schools in the air?

BC: You mean they were talking in the air about schools?

AD: No, they were talking about the radio as a medium of education, in the ‘30s…

BC: Small wonder that today, students are demanding that they be allowed to take their i-pods to class.

AD: I don’t know what you’re cribbing about. Do you know that as far back as in 1925, Thomas Edison remarked that books would soon be obsolete in schools and that scholars would be instructed through the eye?

BC: Edison was talking about the invention of the projector. And when he said ‘eye’, he was referring to the visual medium. Trust today's generation to interpret that as the 'i' in i-pads, i-phones and i-tunes…

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

An app a day...


Sick of technology? Maybe you should download the right app to cure you. 

AD: I’ve got some news for you…

BC: Let me guess, there’s a new app in the market that will make your mobile phone redundant.

AD: Sarcasm, so early in the morning… Your acidity acting up again?

BC: No, I just read a report that electromagnetic radiations from cellular base stations could have serious health hazards.

AD: Listen, there’s a lot that technology is getting blamed for, but…

BC: I’m not talking about a common cold – it says that these radiations could affect pregnancy.

AD: Talking of pregnancies, have you heard of an effective device that helps reduce pregnancy sickness?

BC: No…

AD: It’s called a mobile phone.

BC: You’re kidding!

AD: There’s an app called Nevasic that you can download onto your mobile phone – it has a sound track that reduces morning sickness when pregnant women listen to it.

BC: An app that will prevent people from throwing up? What’s next, an app that will replace doctors? Imagine having a family app instead of a family doctor…

AD: It’s difficult to think of medical science without human intervention. But there’s an app named MyVirtualHealthCheck that can help record glucose levels, heart rate, blood pressure, weight…

BC: What do you do with the readings?

AD: You could mail the information to your doctor and seek immediate advice.

BC: And pay his fees by electronic transfer?

AD: Doesn’t your doctor give you free advice?

BC: No, he believes in giving me huge bills that give me a heart attack.

AD: Then you are the perfect candidate for HeartWise.

BC: I always thought that it is the head that should be wise…

AD: As always, I’ll ignore that…HeartWise is an app that helps you monitor your heart, weight and blood pressure on a regular basis. Apparently you can even create spreadsheets of all the data you’ve gathered.

BC: Reminds me of Celine Dion’s song in the film Titanic.

AD: The Titanic had a bleak future, but PastTense is sure to make your future perfect.

BC: Past tense? Future perfect? Is that an app for English grammar?

AD: No, it’s a software tool that reminds you to take a break.

BC: I can think of several sectors where people need software that should remind them to work.

AD: Well, PastTense is for those who overwork, invite health problems and inadvertently give people like you reasons to blame technology for everything.

BC: But isn’t it true?

AD: Technology is power in your hands…

BC: I also happen to know a few other things that technology brings to your hands – Nintendo thumb, Blackberry thumb, stylus finger, Carpal Tunnel Syndrome (CTS) that affects your thumb, index finger and ring finger…

AD: Oh c’mon…

BC: Technology sure has added new phrases to our vocabulary – we’ve evolved from green thumbs and butterfingers to hot ears and cell phone elbows, also known as cubital tunnel syndrome...

AD: A cousin of the carpal tunnel syndrome, I suppose...

BC: A not-too-distant cousin, if you measure the distance between your fingers and the elbow.

AD: Listen, these problems are because of Occupational Overuse Syndrome (OOS) – or Repetitive Strain Injury (RSI). There are lots of apps that can help you overcome these...

BC: Where does one download these apps from?

AD: Most of them are from Apple and can be found in the iTunes Appstore. Isn’t it obvious?

BC: What’s so obvious about it?

AD: Isn’t that how the saying, ‘an Apple a day keeps the doctor away’ originated?

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The future's bright, the future's tech-free...


Imagine waking up one morning to find technology missing from our lives - proof that one man's dream is another’s nightmare…

AD: Hey, what’s up? You seem deep in thought…

BC: What would happen if there was no noise from the TV and radio, no live streaming from the internet, no hazardous rays from the mobile, no…

AD: Wait! Are you trying to wipe out technology?

BC: No, just imagining a more peaceful life…

AD: You’re taking us back to the dark ages!

BC: That’s ridiculous. Not too long ago, we were living without these devices.

AD: When you have conveniences and don’t make use of them, you’re…

BC: …an idiot?

AD: Well, I was going to say that you’re behind the times. Imagine waiting for a newspaper to bring you today’s news tomorrow! For instance, T20 matches happen in under four hours – so why wait for 24 hours to know the result?

BC: The way we are playing, one doesn’t have to depend on technology to know the result – a basic knowledge of the game is enough.

AD: You’re being too hard on the boys. But even your newspaper is a product of technology, isn’t it? Not too long ago, you had a newspaper with a talking ad.

BC: Look at the way people are getting hooked to new-age inventions – they seem to go mad without a day’s internet!

AD: I’ve seen you in the mornings when your newspaper is late – and man, are you grouchy!

BC: I have reason to be – I've grown old! But you wake up with an alarm from your smart phone, which you pick up before you pick your toothbrush up, and check your messages and your mail.

AD: That’s because our offices in other time zones work when we sleep and we need to know if there’s a fire on elsewhere.

BC: Really? Back in our days, we probably were good at reading smoke signals - there were fires back then too, you see.

AD: Maybe these are new-age fires that need new-age gadgets…

BC: But then, you don’t need a fire to cook your breakfast. You get it out of a microwave that you control with your mobile, probably through Bluetooth…

AD: Actually, a microwave that can be remote-controlled by smartphones via Wi-Fi is being launched in Korea. But hey, you use technology as much as I do, so don't crib…

BC: Do I?

AD: Yes, you check your sugar level every morning – you need a glucometer. Once you get the bad news, it's time for the day’s shopping...

BC: At least it’s not online.

AD: But what you take home is an end-result of a complex supply chain management software, an accounting software, a bar code, a scanner device, automated billing…

BC: Look, we're discussing a whole generation that's addicted to technology, like people get addicted to tobacco or alcohol. They can’t do without it. I see kids using their mobiles non-stop, even when they’re in the company of friends.

AD: That’s multitasking!

BC: There was a news item recently about pilots who are struggling to handle mid-air problems because of their ‘automation addiction’.

AD: Do you think they have rehabs for these?

BC: I don’t know, but if flights are flown more on autopilot than by a pilot, things could get worse.

AD: What do you mean?

BC: You could have a whole generation that’ll need GPS to get back home from work every evening.  

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

It’s a camera... It’s a computer... It’s a mobile phone!


What's the point of a mobile phone offering GPS facilities if it can't help an old-timer find his way through a maze of choices?


AD: Hey what’s up, you don’t seem to be answering your calls?

BC: My mobile phone isn’t working. I might have to buy a new one.

AD: Don’t look so sad - there are some great mobile phones in the market.

BC: It's not that. When I was your age, anything we bought lasted for decades...

AD: How old is your phone?

BC: I bought it in 2003…

AD: Eight years? Are you kidding? You have a relic in your hands. Why don't you sell it to a technology museum for a few lakhs, get yourself a swanky iphone and...

BC: Very funny. I wasn’t worried about the cost. Buying a mobile has become so complicated these days…

AD: What do you mean?

BC: Remember the mid-90s? There were just 3-4 brands to choose from...

AD: Just four brands? Imagine, the IPL wouldn't have had enough sponsors on TV...

BC: IPL reminds me of other abbreviations we had to choose from - CDMA and GSM...

AD: I remember that – CDMA connections had eight digit numbers right?

BC: Yes, and there were only three models – the straight candy bar type, the flip phone and the sliding type.

AD: Each weighing a few kilos...

BC: Whatever! The point is, choosing a mobile phone model was simple. And cellular service providers conducted ‘handset melas’. I remember one where you could buy four phones and get one free.

AD: You’re kidding me!

BC: Of course not. In fact, people waited outside the venue to form groups of five with strangers - they would then share the discount amongst themselves. Back then, it wasn’t about handsets, it was about going cellular...

AD: How things have changed!

BC: You’re telling me! I recall an ad congratulating a service provider in Chennai for reaching the '5000 subscribers' landmark… that was around 15 years ago…

AD: Now you're being funny...

BC: No, seriously…

AD: Do you know that we are currently the world’s second-largest mobile phone market, after China? I doubt if any other country uses mobile phones as extensively as we do…

BC: Speaking of usage, things were pretty simple back then. There was no life beyond calls and messages. Then came the fancy gadgets – alarm clock, radio, mp3, flashlight, camera...

AD: You call them fancy?

BC: Go ahead, laugh! Then came bluetooth, internet-enabled phones, Wi-Fi connectivity, add-on memory chips...

AD: That’s right, establishing connectivity with other devices was so convenient, wasn’t it?

BC: To me, it just complicated things. And it got worse with dual SIMs, QWERTY keypads, touchscreen, multimedia, GPS...

AD: What you need is a landline with a long cord so it can be mobile...

BC: I'm ignoring that. But the latest seems to be 3G…

AD: 4G could be on its way in, and there is a possibility of a futuristic 5G in the next decade…

BC: To me, G still stands for the earth’s gravity, which is pulling me down so much that I'm not able to keep pace with your generation...

AD: You better start moving fast… India’s racing towards a 3G era…

BC: You’re talking of 3G - can you imagine a place that still thrives on .16G?

AD: Which place is this?

BC: The moon – the gravity there is just around 16% of what it is on earth.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Get plussed, feel blessed?


So many friends, but too little time for them? Here comes along the perfect solution – another social networking site...

AD: Have you been plussed?

BC: What do you mean plussed? Such questions typically leave me nonplussed.

AD: Well, it depends on whether you have been circled…

BC: Circled? Plussed?

AD: Don’t tell me you don’t have any hangouts either…

BC: At my age, I just feel blessed that my tummy doesn’t hang out, so don’t make fun of me.

AD: So you are missing out on some serious sparks in your life…

BC: At this rate, you will be encouraging my wife to visit a marriage counsellor…

AD: No, I was merely encouraging you to visit Google Plus, the new social networking site in cybertown.

BC: Really?

AD: What do you mean, ‘really’? Haven’t you been invited to it yet?

BC: Why, is it a life-altering experience?

AD: C’mon, how can you not be a part of Google Plus? Do you know that it is growing at the rate of one million users per day and currently stands at 25 million users, as per a report released last week?

BC: Is that a big thing?

AD: Apparently Facebook took three years to get there, while Twitter took six months lesser to reach the 25 million mark…

BC: But how many more social networking sites do we need?

AD: How many are you a member of?

BC: I have hardly figured out Orkut, Facebook and Google Buzz - and Google Plus has already arrived. And I’m continuing to receive invites for several other sites like Family Tree, Friend Share, Brizy, Quepasa…

AD: Wow, you seem to be a pretty popular guy…

BC: I don’t know half the guys who send me invites. Just logging into each site, checking out comments, accepting invites and requests keeps me busy…

AD: In other words, you have no time for friends now…

BC: Yes, my head’s spinning in circles…

AD: That’s an indication that you’ve been plussed…

BC: Here we go again…

AD: Just kidding... Google Plus works with concepts like Circles, Sparks and Hangouts. You add friends to Circles, meet people at Hangouts, flag your interests under Sparks…

BC: So what do I do with all my friends, comments and images from…

AD: Hold it, I’m not asking you to move to Google Plus. Stick to whatever suits you...

BC: No, I’m just curious…

AD: Don’t be, because as with Facebook, the S word is likely to get you into a lot of trouble if you aren’t careful with it…

BC: Sanity?

AD: No, security… I had no idea that all my albums and blogs were open to anyone who added me to their circles… that was scary… I’m slowly getting the hang of the security settings in Google Plus…

BC: But what about Facebook? Aren’t you getting withdrawal symptoms?

AD: I’m active on that as well… Hey, I had a weird dream about Facebook last night.

BC: Let me guess. They had broken down the ‘walls’ and installed barbed wire instead...

AD: No, worse… Every time I tried to write on someone’s wall, I got a message that said ‘comments are closed for this section’.

BC: You must be traumatised…

AD: Right now, I'm torn between Facebook and Google Plus…

BC: Guess Google Plus has found an effective solution to that…

AD: What’s that?

BC: Well, if they keep you going around in circles, when will you have the time to write on walls?

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

When ‘Apple' was just a fruit


The past with its nascent technology or the present that is ruled by it? The argument never ends...

AD: Hi, I've been trying your number for a long time...

BC: I was speaking to my cousin Arun from Bengaluru... He was lamenting the fact that his daughter was growing up without the little joys that he had experienced as a kid.

AD: Why do I get the feeling that you are going to blame it on technology?

BC: Well, back then, we had one TV channel, went to the theatres once a month, had lots of friends, played outdoors, read lots of books – that was so much fun! And now...

AD: Kids are having more fun now - almost 200 channels on TV, computer games, chats, social networking sites... There's so much to do...

BC: Isn't it eerie to live in a world where your best friend is a computer?

AD: Look back at your college days, when you used to wait for days for a letter from your folks or send them telegrams when you needed money. Today, all it takes is an e-mail or an sms...

BC: It's been decades since I passed out and I still have those letters and birthday cards preserved for posterity. You can't do that to mails and sms-es...

AD: Well, we're saving trees for sure...

BC: Possibly true, but why would you want technology to kill the most charming form of personal communication when you can use it to make recycled paper?

AD: Hey, we are all moving towards a paperless world...

BC: Looks like it will not just be paperless, but also friendless. Kids seem to be more interested in messaging their 'friends' on social networking sites than stepping out to make friends in their neighbourhood.

AD: Crowded neighbourhoods... cramped spaces...

BC: During my times, space was measured in terms of distance and area. Then we started launching rockets and satellites and space came to be measured in light years. Now, we live in an era where servers and hard disks rule, and space is measured in GB...

AD: But technology has helped medical science come a long way. Everything can be cured...

BC: ...except the common cold!

AD: You are mocking science now...

BC: You are entitled to your views, but I still pity these kids...

AD: You are wasting your time. The last time I heard Arun's daughter talking to her friends, they were all feeling sorry for you.

BC: What? But why?

AD: They were shocked to know that you grew up in a world without Facebook and mobile phones. They were curious to know how you managed to keep in touch with friends who were abroad, what you did when you desperately wanted to speak to a friend in the middle of the night...

BC: I didn't, I used to sleep when it was night.

AD: But how did you search without Google?

BC: There were libraries, encyclopedia volumes...

AD: You would have had to wait for a whole day for the latest news. No twitter, no mobile updates, no breaking news...

BC: Well, the wait didn't kill us...

AD: They had another question – with no iPods, YouTube, mp3 and streaming formats, what did you do for entertainment?

BC: Have you listened to all the remixes going around today? Just tell them that back then, we listened to the originals.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

.anything can happen


According to the PGA tour, Together, anything is possible, but the IT world has begun to believe that .anything is possible too.

AD: Hey, what's up?

BC: I'm looking for some information on books by Japanese authors.

AD: Why don't you search in search dot search?

BC: Why are you repeating yourself?

AD: I am not. I merely asked you to search in...

BC: Now you're definitely repeating yourself. So what's search dot search?

AD: Well, the online world was being held to ransom by cybersquatters who were registering popular domain names and were forcing large corporates to…

BC: …pay them fancy sums to vacate.

AD: Absolutely! That was when a few wise men and women got together to throw some light on the topic…

BC: So they gathered around the glow of a computer monitor...

AD: Very funny. They figured that the way ahead was by questioning the norm...

BC: Which is...?

AD: Why should life on the worldwide web be limited to .com, .net, .org and .biz?

BC: You left out .info, .edu, .gov...

AD: Well, there are 22 such suffixes authorised thus far.

BC: So who's authorising these?

AD: ICANN.

BC: That sounds like the sequel to 'Yes, we can'. You mean Obama and his team are out to save the world again?

AD: No ICANN stands for The Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers. They may not save the world, but they're trying their best to save corporates from being held to ransom. This new system will also give companies and brands more marketing options as they go global.

BC: So no more dotcoms?

AD: Not really. Dotcom still stays, but a shop could have .shop, a car manufacturer could have .car, a computer manufacturer could have .pc and so on.

BC: Ok, so that's what you were referring to when you said search.search. Imagine, you can have a website with the address www.writer.writer and an email id like write2writer@writer.writer...

AD: You’re kidding! Getting a new domain will involve an initial registration fee of around 185,000 USD. Add another 25,000 USD a year as operational fees...

BC: And what if two cola companies were to bid for a .cola domain name?

AD: There will be a bid for the name and it will go to the highest bidder.

BC: So when's this race beginning?

AD: You'll have to wait until next year. A 90 day window has been fixed between January 12 and April 12 to apply for a name. The approved domain names will go live by the end of 2012.

BC: So even if the world comes to an end by 2012, the online world will continue to exist and send us spam and pop-up messages.

AD: Are all old folks this cynical or is it just you?

BC: Hey, I was just kidding. So what happens if someone asks for a Sanskrit name?

AD: Not to worry - domains will be available in any language, from Assamese to Zulu.

BC: Considering the fact that google has become such a generic term for search, imagine a scenario where a search engine named Control Online Matter (COM) applies for .google. In such a case, there could be a problem.

AD: What?

BC: Would you then use - google.com or com.google?


Thursday, June 30, 2011

Worldy Wise Women.com


Chauvinists may want to think of a world without women, but it's impossible to think of an IT world without them...

AD: Hey, what’s up?

BC: I need to finish some work quickly and then attend a wedding. We’re running late, and she's started yet...

AD: What’s taking her so long?

BC: Guess it’s all those accessories…

AD: Oh, ok

BC: I’ve tried really hard, but I’m yet to understand why she chooses to do things so differently…

AD: Could it be because you don’t speak her language?

BC: You’re right, I don’t. She has her own logic that she internalizes with…

AD: Have you tried getting the message across?

BC: No, each time I try, she simply switches off.

AD: Perhaps her memory...?

BC: No, that’s good. I got that checked recently. In fact, she not only remembers all my mistakes, she recalls them too.

AD: Oops, that’s not good for you…

BC: And she gets heated up for no reason at all.

AD: Think she could have caught a virus?

BC: That’s not possible, she has a check-up every month.

AD: But you just cannot do without her, can you?

BC: That’s right. She's terrific in solving problems, but I guess she’s become old – I'll have to go for an upgrade.

AD: What? How can you talk about your wife like that?

BC: Wife? I was talking about my computer!

AD: But why do you refer to a computer as ‘she’? Women may not like it.

BC: If your macho bike can be feminine, so can my computer. Besides, isn’t it just a way of endearing yourself to your prized possession?

AD: Just that it’s pretty ironical… computers being referred to in feminine gender.

BC: Why, you think women aren’t good enough with computers?

AD: On the contrary, it is widely believed that the world’s first programmer was a woman.

BC: I think we’ve spoken about her once - Ada Lovelace?

AD: That's right. Women have also played a key role in developing languages - the credit for creating COBOL, a programming language, goes to Grace Hopper.

BC: News like these will definitely get more women to take up IT as a profession…

AD: Well, Mattel has been trying to inspire young girls through a Computer Engineer Barbie doll…

BC: Catch them young, huh?

AD: Absolutely! The numbers are pretty dismal in the US – according to a 2009 survey, women hold only 25% of all the computer-related jobs in the country.

BC: I’m sure India fares much better – we have so many women programmers and IT professionals.
AD: Computers have fascinated not just techie women, but also Hollywood actresses – the technique for spread spectrum communication, the technology that drives CDMA phones, GPS, wireless LAN and so much more, was created by Hedy Lamarr.

BC: And people thought actresses were…

AD: Don't say the word! The Computer Algebra System (CAS), the program for symbolic mathematics is derived from the efforts of Grete Hermann, who began as a mathematician and went on to become a philosopher…

BC: I’m sure that a computer must have had that effect on her.

AD: Your misadventures with computers are now legendary…

BC: Guess I have to go now.

AD: She’s ready?

BC: Yes, and the best part is that once she gets started, things get done in a jiffy.

AD: Your computer?

BC: No, I was referring to my wife.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

The three Rs of computer maintenance


It doesn’t matter how literate one is. When it comes to making a computer work, one has to learn the three Rs all over again…

BC: The next time someone tells me that a computer helps save time, I will...

AD: Hold on, what happened?

BC: The day before yesterday, the net was slow - I had to wait for the pages to load. Yesterday, my computer had slowed down – it was an eternal wait even to open a word file. Today, my computer has crashed and now I'm waiting for the maintenance guy…

AD: Relax, patience is a virtue...

BC: That holds only for doctors, not for old timers with computer problems... Isn't there a crash course for me to learn these things?

AD: A ‘crash’ course? You wouldn’t dare pun on a topic like that, would you? Seriously speaking, there are no short-cuts – you need to start with the three Rs.

BC: You are kidding me – Reading, wRiting and aRithmetic?

AD: No, Restart, Reinstall and Reformat. Isn't that what most computer maintenance guys do? They restart your machine a few times to see if it begins working again. If that doesn't solve the problem, they reinstall the program or the OS. If that doesn't work either, they use their ultimate weapon – reformat the hard disk.

BC: I’ve suffered the last R quite a few times…

AD: I used to work in a computer company where the Regional Manager had a competitor's machine installed in his cabin. He would start each day by kicking it.

BC: Was that his way of kick-starting the day?

AD: Well, let’s say that he loved to give competition the boot...

BC: What if they kicked him back?

AD: He would probably 'reboot'...

BC: If they managed to keep scores, they would be having a neat little game…

AD: Talking of games, do you know what links the boot process to IPL?

BC: Please! Don't we all need a long break from it?

AD: Wait, IPL stands for Initial Program Load – it is the process of mainframes booting up.

BC: It always gets confusing when a term has different interpretations, doesn't it?

AD: But cricket and computers are two different worlds. How would you react to computer jargon with multiple meanings?

BC: Like?

AD: Like restore, for instance. You can 'restore' a window to its original size using the center button in the top right corner of the title bar. Restore also refers to altering the system to an earlier setting or even to its factory setting in case of a problem or virus attack.

BC: Do you think the maintenance guy will restore my faith in computers?

AD: Reload is another such term. It could refer to reinstalling a program - or refreshing a browser page to 'reload' the content.

BC: Surely the computer maintenance guy does not have to reinstall the OS just because I've lost some files...

AD: No, in that case, he would try to retrieve - in short, search for and locate the lost file.

BC: So what happens if everything's been tried out and my computer is still not working?

AD: If it’s new, we have a different set of 3Rs for it.

BC: Really?

AD: Yes, React, Return and Refund. Pick up your computer, go back to where you bought it from - and demand your money back!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Laterally linear or linearly lateral?


Technology has a linear and a lateral way of evolving – but what if the two paths cross each other?

AD: Hey, long time!

BC: Was sick for over a fortnight – the doctors couldn’t find out what the problem was. What’s the point with all this technology…

AD: Ah, I knew that was coming… why blame your illness on technology?

BC: No I’m not. But I had enough time to think of the two-pronged manner in which technology is unravelling and…

AD: Two-pronged?

BC: That’s right – give me an example of technology in our lives…

AD: Television?

BC: Er, ok. There are two groups that are constantly trying to outdo each other in taking television to the next level. The first group is trying to make the TV smarter, sleeker, flatter, smaller and more innovative, like HD TV, 3D TV, etc. This is what I call a linear extension to the product – in other words, it’s evolution along a straight line.

AD: And the other group?

BC: The other group employs lateral techniques. For starters, it begins with a key question – why does one need a television to watch TV? So it makes the TV redundant by porting the application onto another device, like the computer.

AD: So what wins, linear or lateral?

BC: That depends on whichever is the more convenient of the two. You can’t beat watching TV the conventional way, so the excitement of 3G on mobiles or on the computer has not affected the regular 29” at home. Having said that, the computer has made quite a few things redundant…

AD: Yes, table top calendars, clocks… even music.

BC: Absolutely! Ever since the computer arrived with a CD drive, people stopped buying CD players. Everyone began to listen to music and even watch movies on their computers…

AD: Then came Napster and mp3 - soon, even CD drives and audio CDs were made redundant. People could just download their favourite music for a nominal fee or for free!

BC: So the ‘lateral’ group has been at work, displacing regular audio systems, huh?

AD: It looked like that for a while, but Apple brought the linear thinkers right back on track with its iPods – a natural extension of Sony’s Walkman and the Discman…

BC: What about listening to music on your mobile? That’s as popular as iPod music, isn’t it?

AD: Agreed, mobile downloads are so popular that cellular services companies are making more on music than music label companies are…

BC: One of the most important things that the mobile phone has successfully displaced is…

AD: …the wristwatch?

BC: Absolutely! And the…

AD: …alarm clock.

BC: Correct! Another industry that’s been hard-hit by mobiles is the camera industry. First, digital cameras virtually brought the shutters down on traditional film rolls. Then they became a prominent feature in mobile phones - and suddenly, cameras went out of focus…

AD: Come to think of it, when was the last time you saw a good old-fashioned photo album? It’s all online now…

BC: I don’t mind web albums, but nothing will replace my good, old-fashioned books…

AD: Well, e-book readers are already here…

BC: Sorry, let me continue being an eccentric book reader than an electronic book reader.

AD: So, is it being a case of linearly lateral or laterally linear?

BC: As long as it doesn’t make me literally loony, I’ll just go with the flow…

Thursday, May 5, 2011

IBM + BMW = IBMW?


Cars could be driven by computers in the future, but right now, similarities between the two are driving an old-timer crazy…

AD: Hey, what’s up? You seem lost…

BC: A friend of mine bought a Mini hardly a year ago – and an updated version is already out...

AD: But the Mini is such an old car from the British Motor Corporation – what do you mean updated?

BC: I was referring to the Mac Mini, a desktop from Apple! I'm surprised that you know about old cars.

AD: And I'm shocked that you know about the Mac Mini!

BC: Very funny! But what's funnier is that one can confuse a car with a computer...

AD: Why not? They have quite a few things in common...

BC: Like what?

AD: Well, both can give you hell if they break down – you're left stranded and…

BC: …both need expert service engineers, else you are doomed.

AD: Right on! And both work well until they're opened – once opened, both cars and computers will have frequent problems…

BC: Absolutely!

AD: It's not just with service and maintenance, cars and computers have similarities even in their names...

BC: Really?

AD: Have you heard of the Meteor?

BC: Sure, the Ford Meteor...

AD: Ah, I was referring to the HCL Meteor, a Unix server, and not to the sedan from Ford. Incidentally, there was also a Mercury Meteor, from the Lincoln Mercury division of Ford.

BC: Guess people were always curious about rocks from outer space...

AD: And what does Vista remind you of?

BC: Windows Vista, of course! Wait, and the Indica Vista, from Tata Motors…

AD: That’s not all! The late 70s had Vista Cruiser, a station wagon from Oldsmobile. Then there was the Toyota Vista…

BC: Vista means view, doesn’t it? Whew, what a crowded view it’s getting to be…

AD: Are you familiar with the Vectra?

BC: The Hewlett-Packard Vectra series of desktop computers?

AD: No, the Opel Vectra, a large family car…

BC: Why couldn't people just explore newer avenues for names?

AD: They did – and came up with the name Explorer. Microsoft’s browser, Internet Explorer, lets you explore the web while Ford Explorer, an SUV, lets you explore the world…

BC: And to think that an Explorer is someone who does not follow the beaten path...

AD: Explorer reminds me of Safari…

BC: Tata Safari?

AD: And the Citroën Safari, a station wagon.

BC: Hey, there was a Pontiac Safari too, right?

AD: Right! There was also a mid-sized van named GMC Safari from Chevrolet. And guess what Apple’s graphical web browser is called?

BC: Safari?

AD: Absolutely! It was not just land expeditions – even sea adventures generated enough competition.

BC: If you’re referring to the Armada, I can think of the Mahindra Armada…

AD: Compaq’s range of notebook PCs is also called Armada. So is Nissan’s SUV.

BC: Is this how elite names become commonplace?

AD: Don’t know about that, but I can tell you about 'elite' cars like the Lotus Elite and the Ford Elite. Microsoft released the Xbox 360 Elite in 2007.

BC: Perhaps the similarities are because both cars and computers have windows…

AD: Well, the similarities continue even to computers that follow open systems and cars that are open-topped… This is best summed up through a hoarding line for the open-top BMW Forsdicks – ‘Our hardware runs better without windows’.  

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Back to the future


What does it take to learn the latest in computers? Time travel, says an old-timer…

AD: Why do old-timers find it so difficult to come to terms with computers?

BC: What do you mean?

AD: Well, you know, older generations and new technology…

BC: So you think computers are modern?

AD: Of course!

BC: Incidentally, man began using calculating devices more than 5000 years ago…

AD: C’mon, that’s the world’s oldest argument… The abacus you’re referring to was just the beginning of the computing evolution.

BC: Ok, what’s the smallest unit of storage in a computer?

AD: Bit? Binary digit?

BC: Binary representations – 0s and 1s - were used in ancient India to classify Vedic meters as far back as the second century AD. And that’s how information is stored today – as binary numbers.

AD: Information storage was perfected 1700 years BEFORE the computer was invented?

BC: Funnily enough, even data storage media was in place before computers were.

AD: What?

BC: Remember punch cards? They were first used by Jacquard in 1804 to program his loom so that it could perform predefined tasks. Almost a century later, this technology was adopted by the Recording and Tabulating Company, which you now know as...

AD: IBM!

BC: Correct! But one thing did not change - there were enough people to oppose the new wave of technology even back then – they called themselves the Luddites.

AD: So human intelligence was in plenty, but constantly challenged... You're right, nothing has changed!

BC: Absolutely! We had enough brainpower to get a grip on artificial intelligence too, several thousand years ago.

AD: You're having me on, right?

BC: Of course not... we had perfected a system to paraphrase Sanskrit – scientists have found it to be pretty similar to our current understanding of artificial intelligence...

AD: At this rate you’re going to be telling me that Chanakya wrote software.

BC: Not Chanakya, but Aryabhatta. Isn’t it amazing that even programming came into existence much before computers did?

AD: You're kidding!

BC: Developing solutions to solve problems was made possible 3600 years ago... Aryabhata developed algorithms called kuttaka that helped solve linear intermediate equations…

AD: How do you know all this? I thought I was the expert here.

BC: Sorry, the experts came much before you and your computers. Panini's path-breaking work in setting rules and definitions for Sanskrit grammar has been found to be in line with the rules that define the structure of modern day computer science.

AD: From Sanskrit to Silicon Valley… incredible!

BC: Yes! Now, what would you call a procedure for solving a problem, in computer terminology?

AD: An algorithm, of course!

BC: Right! Do you know that the term dates back to the 9th century when notations were made using Hindu Arabic numerals by Al-Khwarizmi, an Arab scholar? They were known as Al-Khwarizmi or Algorismi. Today you know them as...

AD: …algorithms!

BC: Absolutely! In the modern day context, Ada Lovelace developed the first algorithm for Charles Babbage’s Analytical Machine in 1843. She is popularly referred to as the world's first computer programmer and the computer language Ada was named in her honour.

AD: At this rate, you will be telling me that there was also an equivalent of Facebook many centuries ago...

BC: Yes, people back then had developed a very efficient system to network with the world outside.

AD: What was it?

BC: They just opened their windows and had chat sessions with their neighbours.