Thursday, April 21, 2011

Back to the future


What does it take to learn the latest in computers? Time travel, says an old-timer…

AD: Why do old-timers find it so difficult to come to terms with computers?

BC: What do you mean?

AD: Well, you know, older generations and new technology…

BC: So you think computers are modern?

AD: Of course!

BC: Incidentally, man began using calculating devices more than 5000 years ago…

AD: C’mon, that’s the world’s oldest argument… The abacus you’re referring to was just the beginning of the computing evolution.

BC: Ok, what’s the smallest unit of storage in a computer?

AD: Bit? Binary digit?

BC: Binary representations – 0s and 1s - were used in ancient India to classify Vedic meters as far back as the second century AD. And that’s how information is stored today – as binary numbers.

AD: Information storage was perfected 1700 years BEFORE the computer was invented?

BC: Funnily enough, even data storage media was in place before computers were.

AD: What?

BC: Remember punch cards? They were first used by Jacquard in 1804 to program his loom so that it could perform predefined tasks. Almost a century later, this technology was adopted by the Recording and Tabulating Company, which you now know as...

AD: IBM!

BC: Correct! But one thing did not change - there were enough people to oppose the new wave of technology even back then – they called themselves the Luddites.

AD: So human intelligence was in plenty, but constantly challenged... You're right, nothing has changed!

BC: Absolutely! We had enough brainpower to get a grip on artificial intelligence too, several thousand years ago.

AD: You're having me on, right?

BC: Of course not... we had perfected a system to paraphrase Sanskrit – scientists have found it to be pretty similar to our current understanding of artificial intelligence...

AD: At this rate you’re going to be telling me that Chanakya wrote software.

BC: Not Chanakya, but Aryabhatta. Isn’t it amazing that even programming came into existence much before computers did?

AD: You're kidding!

BC: Developing solutions to solve problems was made possible 3600 years ago... Aryabhata developed algorithms called kuttaka that helped solve linear intermediate equations…

AD: How do you know all this? I thought I was the expert here.

BC: Sorry, the experts came much before you and your computers. Panini's path-breaking work in setting rules and definitions for Sanskrit grammar has been found to be in line with the rules that define the structure of modern day computer science.

AD: From Sanskrit to Silicon Valley… incredible!

BC: Yes! Now, what would you call a procedure for solving a problem, in computer terminology?

AD: An algorithm, of course!

BC: Right! Do you know that the term dates back to the 9th century when notations were made using Hindu Arabic numerals by Al-Khwarizmi, an Arab scholar? They were known as Al-Khwarizmi or Algorismi. Today you know them as...

AD: …algorithms!

BC: Absolutely! In the modern day context, Ada Lovelace developed the first algorithm for Charles Babbage’s Analytical Machine in 1843. She is popularly referred to as the world's first computer programmer and the computer language Ada was named in her honour.

AD: At this rate, you will be telling me that there was also an equivalent of Facebook many centuries ago...

BC: Yes, people back then had developed a very efficient system to network with the world outside.

AD: What was it?

BC: They just opened their windows and had chat sessions with their neighbours.


Thursday, April 7, 2011

The X-factor


Who would have thought that disagreeing with a computer would lead to problems with your ‘x’?

BC: My computer seems to hate the letter x…

AD: Must be a keyboard problem.

BC: No, my keyboard is fine, it’s these files that have x in their extension…

AD: Do you suspect paranormal activity?

BC: Why do you ask that?

AD: You seem to have some ‘X-Files’ problems…

BC: Kind of, yes… What do I do about it?

AD: Change your password to ‘I want to believe’. A month after, change it to ‘the truth is out there’, then to ‘trust no one’ and after that, ‘deny everything’.

BC: What are you talking about?

AD: Just kidding, those were the taglines of the X-Files. But Agent Mulder’s password was ‘TrustNo1’ as in, ‘trust no one’. It worked for him, so it could…

BC: I’m talking about Word files and Powerpoint files that I’m unable to open because they are now .docx and .pptx instead of .doc and .ppt!

AD: But that’s been on for a while now! The 2007 Microsoft Office system introduced a new file format based on XML, so all documents and presentations are saved with an x in the file extension. And Excel files are .xlsx.

BC: With double x and triple x extensions, one might have to go for porn filters shortly. Why are they making things so complicated?

AD: If this is complicated, imagine file extensions like xxxxxx, xltenx, xlsmenx, xlthtml, xlsmhtml, xlsbenx…

BC: Stop, this is getting too celebral for me!

AD: What you probably need is Cerebro – it’s a device that helps amplify brainwaves and…

BC: So you think I’m dumb.

AD: Not at all! Don’t you know that 'X-Men' use Cerebro to…

BC: No thanks, I don’t need to worry about mutants because my security settings are pretty high – possibly too high because I get ActiveX error messages.

AD: See? Another ‘x’ problem. ActiveX brings to life the multimedia effects in the websites that you view. Try enabling ActiveX controls in your setting…

BC: Talking of ActiveX, I also receive DirectX error messages…

AD: Ah, playing games on the computer, are we? What kind of error messages?

BC: Something about the DirectX installed in my computer being incompatible.

AD: DirectX is a package that helps enhance the graphic features of your games. You could be having an older version or perhaps have a file missing. Just reinstall it from your games CD or from the Microsoft website.

BC: That’s not all – my computer gives me error messages that it cannot open .x32 files…

AD: X32 is an extension that supports Macromedia files, so if your computer cannot open the file, you need to download a program that can do the job.

BC: Thankfully, my computer does not have an X drive. Can you imagine the havoc it would have caused?

AD: You’re lucky – Xdrive was an online service that allowed you to store around 5 GB of data for free. The service, however, has been discontinued.

BC: I still don’t understand why x has become such a hex for me?

AD: Do you know that an ‘x’ is used instead of a signature when someone is illiterate?

BC: Are you telling me that I’m computer-illiterate?

AD: Of course not! I have a better idea - since you use your computer only for playing games, why not exchange it for something else?

BC: Like what?

AD: How about an Xbox?