An app a day...

Sick of technology? Maybe you should download the right app to cure you. 

AD: I’ve got some news for you…

BC: Let me guess, there’s a new app in the market that will make your mobile phone redundant.

AD: Sarcasm, so early in the morning… Your acidity acting up again?

BC: No, I just read a report that electromagnetic radiations from cellular base stations could have serious health hazards.

AD: Listen, there’s a lot that technology is getting blamed for, but…

BC: I’m not talking about a common cold – it says that these radiations could affect pregnancy.

AD: Talking of pregnancies, have you heard of an effective device that helps reduce pregnancy sickness?

BC: No…

AD: It’s called a mobile phone.

BC: You’re kidding!

AD: There’s an app called Nevasic that you can download onto your mobile phone – it has a sound track that reduces morning sickness when pregnant women listen to it.

BC: An app that will prevent people from throwing up? What’s next, an app that will replace doctors? Imagine having a family app instead of a family doctor…

AD: It’s difficult to think of medical science without human intervention. But there’s an app named MyVirtualHealthCheck that can help record glucose levels, heart rate, blood pressure, weight…

BC: What do you do with the readings?

AD: You could mail the information to your doctor and seek immediate advice.

BC: And pay his fees by electronic transfer?

AD: Doesn’t your doctor give you free advice?

BC: No, he believes in giving me huge bills that give me a heart attack.

AD: Then you are the perfect candidate for HeartWise.

BC: I always thought that it is the head that should be wise…

AD: As always, I’ll ignore that…HeartWise is an app that helps you monitor your heart, weight and blood pressure on a regular basis. Apparently you can even create spreadsheets of all the data you’ve gathered.

BC: Reminds me of Celine Dion’s song in the film Titanic.

AD: The Titanic had a bleak future, but PastTense is sure to make your future perfect.

BC: Past tense? Future perfect? Is that an app for English grammar?

AD: No, it’s a software tool that reminds you to take a break.

BC: I can think of several sectors where people need software that should remind them to work.

AD: Well, PastTense is for those who overwork, invite health problems and inadvertently give people like you reasons to blame technology for everything.

BC: But isn’t it true?

AD: Technology is power in your hands…

BC: I also happen to know a few other things that technology brings to your hands – Nintendo thumb, Blackberry thumb, stylus finger, Carpal Tunnel Syndrome (CTS) that affects your thumb, index finger and ring finger…

AD: Oh c’mon…

BC: Technology sure has added new phrases to our vocabulary – we’ve evolved from green thumbs and butterfingers to hot ears and cell phone elbows, also known as cubital tunnel syndrome...

AD: A cousin of the carpal tunnel syndrome, I suppose...

BC: A not-too-distant cousin, if you measure the distance between your fingers and the elbow.

AD: Listen, these problems are because of Occupational Overuse Syndrome (OOS) – or Repetitive Strain Injury (RSI). There are lots of apps that can help you overcome these...

BC: Where does one download these apps from?

AD: Most of them are from Apple and can be found in the iTunes Appstore. Isn’t it obvious?

BC: What’s so obvious about it?

AD: Isn’t that how the saying, ‘an Apple a day keeps the doctor away’ originated?

The future's bright, the future's tech-free...

Imagine waking up one morning to find technology missing from our lives - proof that one man's dream is another’s nightmare…

AD: Hey, what’s up? You seem deep in thought…

BC: What would happen if there was no noise from the TV and radio, no live streaming from the internet, no hazardous rays from the mobile, no…

AD: Wait! Are you trying to wipe out technology?

BC: No, just imagining a more peaceful life…

AD: You’re taking us back to the dark ages!

BC: That’s ridiculous. Not too long ago, we were living without these devices.

AD: When you have conveniences and don’t make use of them, you’re…

BC: …an idiot?

AD: Well, I was going to say that you’re behind the times. Imagine waiting for a newspaper to bring you today’s news tomorrow! For instance, T20 matches happen in under four hours – so why wait for 24 hours to know the result?

BC: The way we are playing, one doesn’t have to depend on technology to know the result – a basic knowledge of the game is enough.

AD: You’re being too hard on the boys. But even your newspaper is a product of technology, isn’t it? Not too long ago, you had a newspaper with a talking ad.

BC: Look at the way people are getting hooked to new-age inventions – they seem to go mad without a day’s internet!

AD: I’ve seen you in the mornings when your newspaper is late – and man, are you grouchy!

BC: I have reason to be – I've grown old! But you wake up with an alarm from your smart phone, which you pick up before you pick your toothbrush up, and check your messages and your mail.

AD: That’s because our offices in other time zones work when we sleep and we need to know if there’s a fire on elsewhere.

BC: Really? Back in our days, we probably were good at reading smoke signals - there were fires back then too, you see.

AD: Maybe these are new-age fires that need new-age gadgets…

BC: But then, you don’t need a fire to cook your breakfast. You get it out of a microwave that you control with your mobile, probably through Bluetooth…

AD: Actually, a microwave that can be remote-controlled by smartphones via Wi-Fi is being launched in Korea. But hey, you use technology as much as I do, so don't crib…

BC: Do I?

AD: Yes, you check your sugar level every morning – you need a glucometer. Once you get the bad news, it's time for the day’s shopping...

BC: At least it’s not online.

AD: But what you take home is an end-result of a complex supply chain management software, an accounting software, a bar code, a scanner device, automated billing…

BC: Look, we're discussing a whole generation that's addicted to technology, like people get addicted to tobacco or alcohol. They can’t do without it. I see kids using their mobiles non-stop, even when they’re in the company of friends.

AD: That’s multitasking!

BC: There was a news item recently about pilots who are struggling to handle mid-air problems because of their ‘automation addiction’.

AD: Do you think they have rehabs for these?

BC: I don’t know, but if flights are flown more on autopilot than by a pilot, things could get worse.

AD: What do you mean?

BC: You could have a whole generation that’ll need GPS to get back home from work every evening.  

It’s a camera... It’s a computer... It’s a mobile phone!

What's the point of a mobile phone offering GPS facilities if it can't help an old-timer find his way through a maze of choices?

AD: Hey what’s up, you don’t seem to be answering your calls?

BC: My mobile phone isn’t working. I might have to buy a new one.

AD: Don’t look so sad - there are some great mobile phones in the market.

BC: It's not that. When I was your age, anything we bought lasted for decades...

AD: How old is your phone?

BC: I bought it in 2003…

AD: Eight years? Are you kidding? You have a relic in your hands. Why don't you sell it to a technology museum for a few lakhs, get yourself a swanky iphone and...

BC: Very funny. I wasn’t worried about the cost. Buying a mobile has become so complicated these days…

AD: What do you mean?

BC: Remember the mid-90s? There were just 3-4 brands to choose from...

AD: Just four brands? Imagine, the IPL wouldn't have had enough sponsors on TV...

BC: IPL reminds me of other abbreviations we had to choose from - CDMA and GSM...

AD: I remember that – CDMA connections had eight digit numbers right?

BC: Yes, and there were only three models – the straight candy bar type, the flip phone and the sliding type.

AD: Each weighing a few kilos...

BC: Whatever! The point is, choosing a mobile phone model was simple. And cellular service providers conducted ‘handset melas’. I remember one where you could buy four phones and get one free.

AD: You’re kidding me!

BC: Of course not. In fact, people waited outside the venue to form groups of five with strangers - they would then share the discount amongst themselves. Back then, it wasn’t about handsets, it was about going cellular...

AD: How things have changed!

BC: You’re telling me! I recall an ad congratulating a service provider in Chennai for reaching the '5000 subscribers' landmark… that was around 15 years ago…

AD: Now you're being funny...

BC: No, seriously…

AD: Do you know that we are currently the world’s second-largest mobile phone market, after China? I doubt if any other country uses mobile phones as extensively as we do…

BC: Speaking of usage, things were pretty simple back then. There was no life beyond calls and messages. Then came the fancy gadgets – alarm clock, radio, mp3, flashlight, camera...

AD: You call them fancy?

BC: Go ahead, laugh! Then came bluetooth, internet-enabled phones, Wi-Fi connectivity, add-on memory chips...

AD: That’s right, establishing connectivity with other devices was so convenient, wasn’t it?

BC: To me, it just complicated things. And it got worse with dual SIMs, QWERTY keypads, touchscreen, multimedia, GPS...

AD: What you need is a landline with a long cord so it can be mobile...

BC: I'm ignoring that. But the latest seems to be 3G…

AD: 4G could be on its way in, and there is a possibility of a futuristic 5G in the next decade…

BC: To me, G still stands for the earth’s gravity, which is pulling me down so much that I'm not able to keep pace with your generation...

AD: You better start moving fast… India’s racing towards a 3G era…

BC: You’re talking of 3G - can you imagine a place that still thrives on .16G?

AD: Which place is this?

BC: The moon – the gravity there is just around 16% of what it is on earth.

Get plussed, feel blessed?

So many friends, but too little time for them? Here comes along the perfect solution – another social networking site...

AD: Have you been plussed?

BC: What do you mean plussed? Such questions typically leave me nonplussed.

AD: Well, it depends on whether you have been circled…

BC: Circled? Plussed?

AD: Don’t tell me you don’t have any hangouts either…

BC: At my age, I just feel blessed that my tummy doesn’t hang out, so don’t make fun of me.

AD: So you are missing out on some serious sparks in your life…

BC: At this rate, you will be encouraging my wife to visit a marriage counsellor…

AD: No, I was merely encouraging you to visit Google Plus, the new social networking site in cybertown.

BC: Really?

AD: What do you mean, ‘really’? Haven’t you been invited to it yet?

BC: Why, is it a life-altering experience?

AD: C’mon, how can you not be a part of Google Plus? Do you know that it is growing at the rate of one million users per day and currently stands at 25 million users, as per a report released last week?

BC: Is that a big thing?

AD: Apparently Facebook took three years to get there, while Twitter took six months lesser to reach the 25 million mark…

BC: But how many more social networking sites do we need?

AD: How many are you a member of?

BC: I have hardly figured out Orkut, Facebook and Google Buzz - and Google Plus has already arrived. And I’m continuing to receive invites for several other sites like Family Tree, Friend Share, Brizy, Quepasa…

AD: Wow, you seem to be a pretty popular guy…

BC: I don’t know half the guys who send me invites. Just logging into each site, checking out comments, accepting invites and requests keeps me busy…

AD: In other words, you have no time for friends now…

BC: Yes, my head’s spinning in circles…

AD: That’s an indication that you’ve been plussed…

BC: Here we go again…

AD: Just kidding... Google Plus works with concepts like Circles, Sparks and Hangouts. You add friends to Circles, meet people at Hangouts, flag your interests under Sparks…

BC: So what do I do with all my friends, comments and images from…

AD: Hold it, I’m not asking you to move to Google Plus. Stick to whatever suits you...

BC: No, I’m just curious…

AD: Don’t be, because as with Facebook, the S word is likely to get you into a lot of trouble if you aren’t careful with it…

BC: Sanity?

AD: No, security… I had no idea that all my albums and blogs were open to anyone who added me to their circles… that was scary… I’m slowly getting the hang of the security settings in Google Plus…

BC: But what about Facebook? Aren’t you getting withdrawal symptoms?

AD: I’m active on that as well… Hey, I had a weird dream about Facebook last night.

BC: Let me guess. They had broken down the ‘walls’ and installed barbed wire instead...

AD: No, worse… Every time I tried to write on someone’s wall, I got a message that said ‘comments are closed for this section’.

BC: You must be traumatised…

AD: Right now, I'm torn between Facebook and Google Plus…

BC: Guess Google Plus has found an effective solution to that…

AD: What’s that?

BC: Well, if they keep you going around in circles, when will you have the time to write on walls?

When ‘Apple' was just a fruit

The past with its nascent technology or the present that is ruled by it? The argument never ends...

AD: Hi, I've been trying your number for a long time...

BC: I was speaking to my cousin Arun from Bengaluru... He was lamenting the fact that his daughter was growing up without the little joys that he had experienced as a kid.

AD: Why do I get the feeling that you are going to blame it on technology?

BC: Well, back then, we had one TV channel, went to the theatres once a month, had lots of friends, played outdoors, read lots of books – that was so much fun! And now...

AD: Kids are having more fun now - almost 200 channels on TV, computer games, chats, social networking sites... There's so much to do...

BC: Isn't it eerie to live in a world where your best friend is a computer?

AD: Look back at your college days, when you used to wait for days for a letter from your folks or send them telegrams when you needed money. Today, all it takes is an e-mail or an sms...

BC: It's been decades since I passed out and I still have those letters and birthday cards preserved for posterity. You can't do that to mails and sms-es...

AD: Well, we're saving trees for sure...

BC: Possibly true, but why would you want technology to kill the most charming form of personal communication when you can use it to make recycled paper?

AD: Hey, we are all moving towards a paperless world...

BC: Looks like it will not just be paperless, but also friendless. Kids seem to be more interested in messaging their 'friends' on social networking sites than stepping out to make friends in their neighbourhood.

AD: Crowded neighbourhoods... cramped spaces...

BC: During my times, space was measured in terms of distance and area. Then we started launching rockets and satellites and space came to be measured in light years. Now, we live in an era where servers and hard disks rule, and space is measured in GB...

AD: But technology has helped medical science come a long way. Everything can be cured...

BC: ...except the common cold!

AD: You are mocking science now...

BC: You are entitled to your views, but I still pity these kids...

AD: You are wasting your time. The last time I heard Arun's daughter talking to her friends, they were all feeling sorry for you.

BC: What? But why?

AD: They were shocked to know that you grew up in a world without Facebook and mobile phones. They were curious to know how you managed to keep in touch with friends who were abroad, what you did when you desperately wanted to speak to a friend in the middle of the night...

BC: I didn't, I used to sleep when it was night.

AD: But how did you search without Google?

BC: There were libraries, encyclopedia volumes...

AD: You would have had to wait for a whole day for the latest news. No twitter, no mobile updates, no breaking news...

BC: Well, the wait didn't kill us...

AD: They had another question – with no iPods, YouTube, mp3 and streaming formats, what did you do for entertainment?

BC: Have you listened to all the remixes going around today? Just tell them that back then, we listened to the originals.

.anything can happen

According to the PGA tour, Together, anything is possible, but the IT world has begun to believe that .anything is possible too.

AD: Hey, what's up?

BC: I'm looking for some information on books by Japanese authors.

AD: Why don't you search in search dot search?

BC: Why are you repeating yourself?

AD: I am not. I merely asked you to search in...

BC: Now you're definitely repeating yourself. So what's search dot search?

AD: Well, the online world was being held to ransom by cybersquatters who were registering popular domain names and were forcing large corporates to…

BC: …pay them fancy sums to vacate.

AD: Absolutely! That was when a few wise men and women got together to throw some light on the topic…

BC: So they gathered around the glow of a computer monitor...

AD: Very funny. They figured that the way ahead was by questioning the norm...

BC: Which is...?

AD: Why should life on the worldwide web be limited to .com, .net, .org and .biz?

BC: You left out .info, .edu, .gov...

AD: Well, there are 22 such suffixes authorised thus far.

BC: So who's authorising these?

AD: ICANN.

BC: That sounds like the sequel to 'Yes, we can'. You mean Obama and his team are out to save the world again?

AD: No ICANN stands for The Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers. They may not save the world, but they're trying their best to save corporates from being held to ransom. This new system will also give companies and brands more marketing options as they go global.

BC: So no more dotcoms?

AD: Not really. Dotcom still stays, but a shop could have .shop, a car manufacturer could have .car, a computer manufacturer could have .pc and so on.

BC: Ok, so that's what you were referring to when you said search.search. Imagine, you can have a website with the address www.writer.writer and an email id like write2writer@writer.writer...

AD: You’re kidding! Getting a new domain will involve an initial registration fee of around 185,000 USD. Add another 25,000 USD a year as operational fees...

BC: And what if two cola companies were to bid for a .cola domain name?

AD: There will be a bid for the name and it will go to the highest bidder.

BC: So when's this race beginning?

AD: You'll have to wait until next year. A 90 day window has been fixed between January 12 and April 12 to apply for a name. The approved domain names will go live by the end of 2012.

BC: So even if the world comes to an end by 2012, the online world will continue to exist and send us spam and pop-up messages.

AD: Are all old folks this cynical or is it just you?

BC: Hey, I was just kidding. So what happens if someone asks for a Sanskrit name?

AD: Not to worry - domains will be available in any language, from Assamese to Zulu.

BC: Considering the fact that google has become such a generic term for search, imagine a scenario where a search engine named Control Online Matter (COM) applies for .google. In such a case, there could be a problem.

AD: What?

BC: Would you then use - google.com or com.google?

Worldy Wise Women.com

Chauvinists may want to think of a world without women, but it's impossible to think of an IT world without them...

AD: Hey, what’s up?

BC: I need to finish some work quickly and then attend a wedding. We’re running late, and she's started yet...

AD: What’s taking her so long?

BC: Guess it’s all those accessories…

AD: Oh, ok…

BC: I’ve tried really hard, but I’m yet to understand why she chooses to do things so differently…

AD: Could it be because you don’t speak her language?

BC: You’re right, I don’t. She has her own logic that she internalizes with…

AD: Have you tried getting the message across?

BC: No, each time I try, she simply switches off.

AD: Perhaps her memory...?

BC: No, that’s good. I got that checked recently. In fact, she not only remembers all my mistakes, she recalls them too.

AD: Oops, that’s not good for you…

BC: And she gets heated up for no reason at all.

AD: Think she could have caught a virus?

BC: That’s not possible, she has a check-up every month.

AD: But you just cannot do without her, can you?

BC: That’s right. She's terrific in solving problems, but I guess she’s become old – I'll have to go for an upgrade.

AD: What? How can you talk about your wife like that?

BC: Wife? I was talking about my computer!

AD: But why do you refer to a computer as ‘she’? Women may not like it.

BC: If your macho bike can be feminine, so can my computer. Besides, isn’t it just a way of endearing yourself to your prized possession?

AD: Just that it’s pretty ironical… computers being referred to in feminine gender.

BC: Why, you think women aren’t good enough with computers?

AD: On the contrary, it is widely believed that the world’s first programmer was a woman.

BC: I think we’ve spoken about her once - Ada Lovelace?

AD: That's right. Women have also played a key role in developing languages - the credit for creating COBOL, a programming language, goes to Grace Hopper.

BC: News like these will definitely get more women to take up IT as a profession…

AD: Well, Mattel has been trying to inspire young girls through a Computer Engineer Barbie doll…

BC: Catch them young, huh?

AD: Absolutely! The numbers are pretty dismal in the US – according to a 2009 survey, women hold only 25% of all the computer-related jobs in the country.

BC: I’m sure India fares much better – we have so many women programmers and IT professionals.

AD: Computers have fascinated not just techie women, but also Hollywood actresses – the technique for spread spectrum communication, the technology that drives CDMA phones, GPS, wireless LAN and so much more, was created by Hedy Lamarr.

BC: And people thought actresses were…

AD: Don't say the word! The Computer Algebra System (CAS), the program for symbolic mathematics is derived from the efforts of Grete Hermann, who began as a mathematician and went on to become a philosopher…

BC: I’m sure that a computer must have had that effect on her.

AD: Your misadventures with computers are now legendary…

BC: Guess I have to go now.

AD: She’s ready?

BC: Yes, and the best part is that once she gets started, things get done in a jiffy.

AD: Your computer?

BC: No, I was referring to my wife.