Going viral with murderous rage

It travels faster than light, it's free and it has the power to create a star overnight. An old-timer explores a world that's going viral.

BC: I don't get it.

AD: Get what?

BC: Over 20 million hits and it’s still going strong. What exactly is this phenomenon?

AD: The question's not 'what', but 'why'. Why this...

BC: Stop! Please…! I have it coming out of my ears...

AD: I must say we're having an overdose of it now. Newspapers, blogs, Facebook forwards, tweets and a zillion versions, not to mention Hitler raging over the hit number…

BC: Things are so bad that a few days back, I saw an article on Karlovy Vary, a spa city in the Czech Republic, and you can imagine what I mistook it for...

AD: So you've made the song a hit even in the Czech Republic.

BC: Don’t tell me! But how do these things become such a craze?

AD: What happens when you sneeze?

BC: Why are you revisiting my Class 3 science lesson?

AD: For the simple reason that viral videos and messages are transmitted the same way. You post or upload content online. If it catches the fancy of other netizens, they share it, forward it, tweet about it and recommend it to their friends or networks. Soon, your post becomes a rage.

BC: Sounds like a great way to market your skills - free of cost.

AD: That's right, can you imagine a 14-year old becoming a singing sensation because of a single song uploaded on various social media sites?

BC: Who is this?

AD: Rebecca Black - apparently her video has been viewed around 167 million times. She is widely hailed as the female Justin Bieber.

BC: And who might he be?

AD: I should have known. Your generation would never know anyone who's just in. Justin Bieber is another teen sensation who became popular because of his viral videos that were seen by millions. He's a star today.

BC: Sounds like a great avenue for careers.

AD: In fact, a viral video on YouTube has given a voice-over artist a new lease of life.

BC: Wow!

AD: Ted Williams was out of a job, homeless and drifting, when his video went viral. In 48 hours, it had received over 13 million hits and Ted Williams, a couple of job offers.

BC: This sounds fascinating... So why can't companies use this method to promote their products?

AD: Google announced the launch of its Chrome browser through a 38-page online comic book that has now become a collector's item. The funny part was that the comics became widely circulated and forwarded before the browser was launched. Google had to rush things to ensure an early launch because the buzz had become tremendous by then.

BC: I guess information or videos leaked without one's knowledge can create havoc.

AD: Like the ‘Starwars kid’ video. A video of Ghyslain Razaa playing with a golf ball retriever was circulated online by his friends without his knowledge and viewed over a billion times. Unfortunately, it led to him dropping out of school because of all the teasing – he had to go through psychiatric treatment.

BC: I'm sure that if this current rage plays another time in my head, I will be locked up in a psychiatric ward for the rest of my life.

AD: That's funny.

BC: What is?

AD: When the world is raving about what it takes for a viral video to spread, it takes someone from your generation to go raving mad about a viral video taking you to the shrink.

A world with five computers

There are three things one should never trust in technology – obsolete hardware, pirated software and predictions.

AD: What's that you're staring at?

BC: It's a Mayan calendar.

AD: Why, aren’t there enough dates in the Gregorian calendar?

BC: No, I was just trying to figure out when the world was coming to an end...

AD: What?

BC: Didn’t the Mayans predict that the world would end in 2012?

AD: Listen, the end of the world has been predicted many times over... only, it's yet to happen.

BC: Aren't you glad?

AD: No, I don't believe in them... Would you believe me if I told you that starting 2012, computers will never suffer from virus attacks?

BC: That's wishful thinking...

AD: What would you say to a person who, in 2004, said that the problem of spam would be solved in two years?

BC: He has no clue about technology.

AD: What about the person who is reported to have said that there was a world market for only five computers?

BC: Absurd!

AD: You've just called Bill Gates clueless and Thomas Watson, ex-Chairman of IBM, absurd.

BC: Wait, I didn't call them anything. I just reacted to what they said!

AD: And how would you react to someone telling you that iPhones will never get impressive numbers in the market?

BC: Well, he's got the wrong number, for sure...

AD: You’ve just hung up on Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft.

BC: The press must have had a ball about IT bosses going famously wrong...

AD: Don't know about that, but way back in 1966, the press did get it wrong about online shopping - a magazine had famously predicted that 'remote shopping' would never be a hit.

BC: Must have been a magazine that wasn't in with the times.

AD: It was TIME magazine – are you calling them outdated?

BC: No, I was...

AD: Speaking of online shopping, in 1999, a famous personality doubted if Amazon could ever make substantial profits by selling books online.

BC: Must have been someone who never bought books.

AD: If he never bought books, it was probably because he was too busy writing them... It was Thomas Friedman, a much-published author and journalist.

BC: Isn’t it ironical that even buying an old-fashioned book requires a computer and an internet connection at home?

AD: And what if a technology leader states that no one would want a computer in their home?

BC: You mean someone other that Thomas Watson said that?

AD: Looks like there were quite a few people who were as sceptical about technology as you are.

BC: Look, don't start this all over again...

AD: I didn't, Ken Olsen, founder of Digital Equipment Corp did. But this was back in the 70s when home computers weren't around...

BC: So how were they to know…

AD: Absolutely! Three years ago, if someone had predicted that over 400 million people would log in to a particular site and post over 250 million photos day after day, would you have believed them?

BC: 400 million users... It has to be Facebook! I've seen a graphic which says that the site gets almost 700,000 status updates each minute.

AD: Accept it, technology is impossible to predict.

BC: No way, I can make two accurate predictions, both involving technology...

AD: I'm waiting...

BC: One, I will forever be trying to convince you about our overdependence on technology. And two, you will continue to disagree with me.

AD: Cherish this moment, because... I agree!

A taste of technology

There's always something new cooking in the tech world – and most of it is sweet.

AD: Hi, weren't you looking for a mobile a couple of months ago? Did you buy one?

BC: I just couldn’t decide... All of them sounded so complicated….

AD: Why don’t you get the latest – Samsung Galaxy Nexus - with an Ice Cream Sandwich?

BC: Is that an offer? Buy a mobile phone and get an ice cream sandwich free?

AD: No, Ice Cream Sandwich is the latest version of Google’s Android operating system.

BC: Why name an OS after a food item?

AD: They're just trying to find a way to get guys like you to work up an appetite for technology.

BC: You haven't answered my question though...

AD: Well, first, there was nothing…

BC: Are you starting from God creating heaven and earth?

AD: No, what I meant was that the Android OS, Version 1.1 did not have a name.

BC: So how did the saccharine connotation come about?

AD: Google’s next big release was Android Version 1.5, codenamed cupcake…

BC: And that was how it all started…

AD: Yes, ‘cupcake’ was followed up with Android Version 1.6 – Donut.

BC: What was next – Éclair?

AD: Was that a lucky guess? It was Éclair – Android 2.0.

BC: But why Éclair?

AD: Perhaps there were so many new features that they needed something bigger than a donut!

BC: So each version was named after a dessert item.

AD: They didn’t stop with that, they named them in alphabetical order too. Cupcake, Donut, Éclair… the next was Froyo, Android 2.2.

BC: Froyo?

AD: Yup, stands for ‘frozen yoghurt’.

BC: Was it meant to be a sweet and sour experience for users?

AD: It was lip-smacking! Froyo was succeeded by Gingerbread – Android 2.3.

BC: Maybe each new version had to be celebrated and hence a dessert name…

AD: Perhaps! Apparently, gingerbread is part of the year-end celebrations in the US, and this version was released in December 2010, so…

BC: That figures.

AD: The next version of Android OS – Honeycomb - was launched exclusively for tablets.

BC: After all these desserts, I’m sure you’ll need a tablet.

AD: Oh c’mon, you know what I’m referring to. And now, Version 4.0 is being launched this month…

BC: Ice Cream Sandwich!

AD: You got it!

BC: With India becoming a huge market for these devices, do you think the next version could be called Jalebi?

AD: Why don’t you write to Google? They might give you a job…

BC: …in the kitchen, where I’ll be making sweets.

AD: I don’t think they’ll want to risk their lives.

BC: I’m still curious – why desserts?

AD: The Google team prefers to be secretive about this, so all we can do is guess. There are other 'sweet-sounding' names as well. Peppermint is an open source operating system based on Ubuntu Linux. Muffin is a proxy software that filters web content...

BC: I always thought that a name should convey a category, a benefit or an innovation…

AD: That’s conventional thinking. Companies follow their own nomenclature when it comes to naming products… For instance, Apple names its Mac OS X versions after cats – Cheetah, Puma, Jaguar, Panther, Tiger, Leopard, and so on.

BC: Isn’t it funny?

AD: What is?

BC: Half of technology is named after food we love to feast on. The other half is named after cats that love to feast on us.

Remembering our i-cons

Why are we so selective in remembering the people who matter, wonders an old-timer.

BC: Hi, why the sad sack impersonation?

AD: Just reading a whole lot of touching tributes to Steve Jobs. It's almost a month since he passed away, and the messages are still pouring in...

BC: That's the impact the man has had on billions of lives. Incidentally, the world lost another genius exactly a week later.

AD: Who?

BC: Dennis Ritchie.

AD: Who was he?

BC: Isn't it ironical that we know Steve Jobs so well, but have hardly heard of Dennis Ritchie?

AD: It’s not. Steve Jobs designed devices that are so popular - from iMacs to iPods, iPads and iPhones...

BC: Dennis Ritchie was the father of C, the programming language, and he co-created the Unix operating system.

AD: So?

BC: Your browsers, servers and almost everything on the web, owe their origin to C or one of its derivatives. And most of the operating systems in existence today, including Apple's OS for all its devices are Unix-based.

AD: Really?

BC: Yes! So you see, if Steve Jobs was the guru of gizmos, Dennis Ritchie was considered the ‘man who shaped the digital era’.

AD: Interesting, but I'm surprised that you know about him.

BC: I read a brilliant piece about him on the web a fortnight ago... that was when I realised his contribution to our present world.

AD: The iPod and the Mac are so much a part of our lives... not quite the case with C.

BC: Is the ice cream scoop a part of your life?

AD: Guess so.

BC: Who invented it?

AD: I don't remember...

BC: In other words, you don't know. You wouldn't happen to know who invented the bottle opener or the dishwasher or the...

AD: Listen, spare me, I’m not into quizzing.

BC: If Steve Jobs is popular because he developed so many devices that we use on an everyday basis...

AD: But Steve Jobs gave us the latest in technology - the rest of your examples are mundane kitchen items...

BC: Technology? Let’s see... there have been so many versions of Apple computers over the decades. In less than five years, we have seen five generations of the iPhone. But do you know that the ice cream scoop has remained untouched by technology? It’s remained unchanged for over 110 years now…

AD: Really?

BC: Yes! So why should the ‘lowly’ ice cream scoop be any lesser than a modern device, especially when it is thumbing its nose at technology?

AD: Unless you're particular about a play on words, I don't see how anyone can compare an iPhone and icecream...

BC: The human mind is so fickle – on one hand, we fail to give credit where it's due, and on the other, we simply follow the mob. Today, even someone who hasn't heard of Apple computers is empowered to click a ‘like’ button on a eulogy to Steve Jobs.

AD: Look, I can use an iPhone or iPad to find out who Steve Jobs is. But I can eat all the ice cream in the world and it won’t lead me to the inventor of the ice cream scoop. Incidentally, who created it?

BC: Alfred L Cralle, an Afro-American inventor…

AD: Never heard of him…

BC: Perhaps he should have called it the i-scoop and advertised that it does not require a power source, maintenance or upgrades. Your generation would have i-dolised him for sure.

Smartboards, smarter kids?

Is technology that is entering classrooms really making kids smarter? An old-timer has his doubts…

BC: Hey, what’s this I see? The hand that clicks the mouse is holding a pen…

AD: Yes, I’m writing a letter to my grandmom. She refuses to read e-mails…

BC: You should have become a doctor.

AD: Hey, my handwriting’s not all that bad!

BC: I don’t blame it on you though…

AD: Let me guess, you’re going to blame it on technology.

BC: I shudder to think of the digital generation – or gen z as you call them. They just text, type, click...

AD: They seem to be doing just fine…

BC: Technology has taken over classrooms – I just can’t imagine classrooms with no blackboards…

AD: But smartboards are here - don’t they make learning fun?

BC: Isn’t it ironical that the same technology that helps them learn also prevents them from learning?

AD: What do you mean?

BC: Most of them hardly write, so their handwriting is… well, you need software to decode it. Besides, they don't know how to spell. A word processor takes care of the spelling and grammar.

AD: You just can’t write them off because…

BC: Forget writing, they can’t do mental calculations either. For instance, they can’t multiply to save their lives.

AD: Isn’t that why God created rabbits?

BC: Very funny! And what happens when students are extremely tech-savvy, but the teachers are averse to technology?

AD: Like you?

BC: I’ll ignore that… With online assignments and downloadable tests, how do teachers find out if the submission is original when students turn it in?

AD: By using turn it in.

BC: What was that?

AD: Turnitin.com is a web site that has a filter to detect plagiarised content, so teachers can spot assignments that have been copied.

BC: That would be a bitter pill to swallow for naughty students, wouldn’t it?

AD: Yes, that's possibly the reason why technology brings in something sweet as well.

BC: Like what?

AD: Sugar!

BC: Excuse me?

AD: Sugar is a desktop environment developed as part of the One Laptop per Child (OLPC) project for school kids. Quanta Computer has developed low-cost notebooks computers for the purpose.

BC: I can’t believe all this is happening. Students take notes on Google Docs, use chat to share ideas, discuss lessons on blogs...

AD: Teachers are not too far behind. I’ve heard of some using Twitter to send out assignments and reminders.

BC: In my days, we went to school to study and excel.

AD: And today?

BC: You need Excel to go to school and study.

AD: You’re talking about traditional schools. Did you know that almost 85 years ago, they were talking of schools in the air?

BC: You mean they were talking in the air about schools?

AD: No, they were talking about the radio as a medium of education, in the ‘30s…

BC: Small wonder that today, students are demanding that they be allowed to take their i-pods to class.

AD: I don’t know what you’re cribbing about. Do you know that as far back as in 1925, Thomas Edison remarked that books would soon be obsolete in schools and that scholars would be instructed through the eye?

BC: Edison was talking about the invention of the projector. And when he said ‘eye’, he was referring to the visual medium. Trust today's generation to interpret that as the 'i' in i-pads, i-phones and i-tunes…

An app a day...

Sick of technology? Maybe you should download the right app to cure you. 

AD: I’ve got some news for you…

BC: Let me guess, there’s a new app in the market that will make your mobile phone redundant.

AD: Sarcasm, so early in the morning… Your acidity acting up again?

BC: No, I just read a report that electromagnetic radiations from cellular base stations could have serious health hazards.

AD: Listen, there’s a lot that technology is getting blamed for, but…

BC: I’m not talking about a common cold – it says that these radiations could affect pregnancy.

AD: Talking of pregnancies, have you heard of an effective device that helps reduce pregnancy sickness?

BC: No…

AD: It’s called a mobile phone.

BC: You’re kidding!

AD: There’s an app called Nevasic that you can download onto your mobile phone – it has a sound track that reduces morning sickness when pregnant women listen to it.

BC: An app that will prevent people from throwing up? What’s next, an app that will replace doctors? Imagine having a family app instead of a family doctor…

AD: It’s difficult to think of medical science without human intervention. But there’s an app named MyVirtualHealthCheck that can help record glucose levels, heart rate, blood pressure, weight…

BC: What do you do with the readings?

AD: You could mail the information to your doctor and seek immediate advice.

BC: And pay his fees by electronic transfer?

AD: Doesn’t your doctor give you free advice?

BC: No, he believes in giving me huge bills that give me a heart attack.

AD: Then you are the perfect candidate for HeartWise.

BC: I always thought that it is the head that should be wise…

AD: As always, I’ll ignore that…HeartWise is an app that helps you monitor your heart, weight and blood pressure on a regular basis. Apparently you can even create spreadsheets of all the data you’ve gathered.

BC: Reminds me of Celine Dion’s song in the film Titanic.

AD: The Titanic had a bleak future, but PastTense is sure to make your future perfect.

BC: Past tense? Future perfect? Is that an app for English grammar?

AD: No, it’s a software tool that reminds you to take a break.

BC: I can think of several sectors where people need software that should remind them to work.

AD: Well, PastTense is for those who overwork, invite health problems and inadvertently give people like you reasons to blame technology for everything.

BC: But isn’t it true?

AD: Technology is power in your hands…

BC: I also happen to know a few other things that technology brings to your hands – Nintendo thumb, Blackberry thumb, stylus finger, Carpal Tunnel Syndrome (CTS) that affects your thumb, index finger and ring finger…

AD: Oh c’mon…

BC: Technology sure has added new phrases to our vocabulary – we’ve evolved from green thumbs and butterfingers to hot ears and cell phone elbows, also known as cubital tunnel syndrome...

AD: A cousin of the carpal tunnel syndrome, I suppose...

BC: A not-too-distant cousin, if you measure the distance between your fingers and the elbow.

AD: Listen, these problems are because of Occupational Overuse Syndrome (OOS) – or Repetitive Strain Injury (RSI). There are lots of apps that can help you overcome these...

BC: Where does one download these apps from?

AD: Most of them are from Apple and can be found in the iTunes Appstore. Isn’t it obvious?

BC: What’s so obvious about it?

AD: Isn’t that how the saying, ‘an Apple a day keeps the doctor away’ originated?

The future's bright, the future's tech-free...

Imagine waking up one morning to find technology missing from our lives - proof that one man's dream is another’s nightmare…

AD: Hey, what’s up? You seem deep in thought…

BC: What would happen if there was no noise from the TV and radio, no live streaming from the internet, no hazardous rays from the mobile, no…

AD: Wait! Are you trying to wipe out technology?

BC: No, just imagining a more peaceful life…

AD: You’re taking us back to the dark ages!

BC: That’s ridiculous. Not too long ago, we were living without these devices.

AD: When you have conveniences and don’t make use of them, you’re…

BC: …an idiot?

AD: Well, I was going to say that you’re behind the times. Imagine waiting for a newspaper to bring you today’s news tomorrow! For instance, T20 matches happen in under four hours – so why wait for 24 hours to know the result?

BC: The way we are playing, one doesn’t have to depend on technology to know the result – a basic knowledge of the game is enough.

AD: You’re being too hard on the boys. But even your newspaper is a product of technology, isn’t it? Not too long ago, you had a newspaper with a talking ad.

BC: Look at the way people are getting hooked to new-age inventions – they seem to go mad without a day’s internet!

AD: I’ve seen you in the mornings when your newspaper is late – and man, are you grouchy!

BC: I have reason to be – I've grown old! But you wake up with an alarm from your smart phone, which you pick up before you pick your toothbrush up, and check your messages and your mail.

AD: That’s because our offices in other time zones work when we sleep and we need to know if there’s a fire on elsewhere.

BC: Really? Back in our days, we probably were good at reading smoke signals - there were fires back then too, you see.

AD: Maybe these are new-age fires that need new-age gadgets…

BC: But then, you don’t need a fire to cook your breakfast. You get it out of a microwave that you control with your mobile, probably through Bluetooth…

AD: Actually, a microwave that can be remote-controlled by smartphones via Wi-Fi is being launched in Korea. But hey, you use technology as much as I do, so don't crib…

BC: Do I?

AD: Yes, you check your sugar level every morning – you need a glucometer. Once you get the bad news, it's time for the day’s shopping...

BC: At least it’s not online.

AD: But what you take home is an end-result of a complex supply chain management software, an accounting software, a bar code, a scanner device, automated billing…

BC: Look, we're discussing a whole generation that's addicted to technology, like people get addicted to tobacco or alcohol. They can’t do without it. I see kids using their mobiles non-stop, even when they’re in the company of friends.

AD: That’s multitasking!

BC: There was a news item recently about pilots who are struggling to handle mid-air problems because of their ‘automation addiction’.

AD: Do you think they have rehabs for these?

BC: I don’t know, but if flights are flown more on autopilot than by a pilot, things could get worse.

AD: What do you mean?

BC: You could have a whole generation that’ll need GPS to get back home from work every evening.