Zuckerberg calling Zuckerberg

Whether you download a suite or file a suit, technology is always a boon, says a tech fan.

BC: Hey, what’s up?

AD: Did you hear about the 83-year old woman who walked into an Apple store – without seeing the glass door in front of her? She broke her nose…

BC: It’s understandable that Apple fans hate windows, but ignoring doors as well can be hazardous, right?

AD: Absolutely! However, the old lady is now suing Apple for a million dollars for not having displayed appropriate warning signs in the store.

BC: What did she expect – ‘Open door before entering’? Or perhaps ‘Don’t try to walk through door unless your last name is Houdini’?

AD: There have been crazier cases filed against tech companies…

BC: I always thought technology made people slightly crazy…

AD: It’s the IPO syndrome…

BC: You mean, invest in their Initial Public Offering?

AD: No, invest in the ‘Intercept Profits Officially’ scheme – in other words, wait for the company to make money and then file absurd cases so you can rip them off for a few millions.

BC: Didn’t I tell you that the human mind is smarter than technology?

AD: But smart enough to hide transmitters in your iPod?

BC: What do you mean?

AD: A man named Gregory McKenna filed a case against Apple that it aided the mafia in transmitting their threats through transmitters that the company had apparently fixed in his iPods…

BC: How bizarre…

AD: Bizarre is a word that has to be reserved for another case that a prisoner named Jonathan Lee Riches filed against Apple, Steve Jobs and an employee of the prison - for having attempted to sexually assault him with an iPhone.

BC: People seem to be dreaming up new ways of becoming rich…

AD: You’re pretty close to the truth. Riches finally accepted that the sexual assaults seemed to have taken place in his dreams and dropped the case.

BC: Looks like Apple can keep doctors away, but not lawyers…

AD: They make big billions - and that’s what makes Apple the forbidden fruit that’s tempting mankind…

BC: I agree with you, technology does show the way to a prosperous future…

AD: However, technology may not always show you the right way.

BC: Why do you say that?

AD: A woman, who used Google maps to find her way, mistook the directions, continued into a busy highway and got hit by a speeding car.

BC: And she has sued Google?

AD: Yes, for 100,000 dollars, because she was given directions that were unsafe.

BC: Sounds like people won’t stop until they get the whole company.

AD: And in some cases, they’ll want the Chairman of the company.

BC: What?

AD: An Israeli entrepreneur named Rotem Guez changed his name to Mark Zuckerberg and legally registered it…

BC: I don’t believe this…

AD: He then sued Facebook because they had blocked his profile...

BC: So there are two Zuckerbergs now?

AD: Apparently, there are quite a few out there... Facebook then sued the fake Zuckerberg for violating their policies through his business activities.

BC: Facebook sued Mark Zuckerberg?

AD: That was one of the reasons why he changed his name – to see if they would sue ‘him’.

BC: If they ever make a sequel to The Social Network, they can call it the Face-to-face book…

AD: One can imagine the press having a field day with Mark Zuckerberg suing Mark Zuckerberg…

BC: Who would have thought the Like button would take on a whole new meaning? Instead of having people ‘like’ their founder, Facebook now has to contend with another like him.

Gen Y – and tech-shy?

‘They can Skype, but can’t fix a leaking pipe’, says an old-timer of Gen Y.

AD: Hey, why have you taken your scooter apart? Planning to sell it by the kilo?

BC: Of course not! I prefer taking care of her myself. Can you lend me a hand here?

AD: Sorry, I don’t know a thing about these machines…

BC: Hey, aren’t you a mechanical engineer?

AD: Yes, but…

BC: Aren’t engines, motors and gears an integral part of the technology involved in your field of engineering? And yet...

AD: Listen, I’m into information technology now, so…

BC: It doesn’t matter. The basics of technology always lie in understanding how things work – and that’s where your generation – Gen Y - seems quite helpless.

AD: To hear this from a tech-averse old-timer like you…

BC: I’m sure that loading apps or using the latest features on their android phone comes naturally to Gen Y, but ask them about the technology behind GSM and…

AD: Why do we need to know about GMSK, GPRS and EDGE to use a mobile phone?

BC: It’s about knowing how things work. You may be a whiz in packing your car with GPS, Bluetooth and Wi-Fi features, but do you know how multi point fuel injection works?

AD: Look, we don’t need to store that kind of information in our head - it’s available online. We can locate and download anything in seconds.

BC: There’s a difference between knowing something - and knowing where to find it. This is the problem with technology…

AD: I was wondering when you’d get there…

BC: Isn’t it true? If something’s broken, Gen Y would rather replace than repair. During our times, we could set right anything from a faulty motor to a leaking tap or a broken chair.

AD: Life was simpler back then. It's a busy world now – we have no time…

BC: Correction - you have no skills, so you simply pay someone else to get the job done…

AD: Look, your generation didn't have a choice…

BC: The fact is, we loved doing things ourselves. As a kid, I don't recall a time when a plumber, electrician or mechanic ever visited my place...

AD: So why should technology take the rap?

BC: The younger lot today can’t build, fix or restore… All they can do is click, download and share…

AD: Surviving in today’s world calls for a different set of skills…

BC: Skills? Gen Y has absolutely no DIY skills… In fact, DIY used to be ‘Do It Yourself’ during our times. Now it seems to be ‘Downloaded It Yesterday’.

AD: But isn’t this a classic problem that has always been around?

BC: What do you mean?

AD: Every generation believes that future generations know nothing…

BC: Remember the time when the two of us were driving to Yercaud and the car stalled in the middle of nowhere? I was trying to find out what was wrong…

AD: So was I!

BC: You were busy checking if your mobile was receiving signals…

AD: That was to get help.

BC: No, it was to take a snap of the car and post it on Facebook with a message – ‘Stuck in the middle of nowhere, but with an old man. Pity only the first half of my wish has come true.’

AD: A friend saw it and wanted to know if we needed help...

BC: If that’s your way of asking for assistance, the only help you probably need is of the professional kind. 

Queueing up for online tickets

Why stand in line when you can book your tickets online, asks a technology fan.

AD: Hi, where were you? I’ve been waiting for a long time…

BC: I was waiting for a long time too – at the booking counter, to buy a train ticket to Delhi.

AD: You still stand in queues for tickets? Ever heard of online booking?

BC: It’s quite complicated, actually…

AD: Listen, each day, over 350,000 people book train tickets online, so why do you think...

BC: But online reservation does not allow bulk booking…

AD: It’s only your extended family - you could book six tickets at a time.

BC: The last time I booked tickets for the family online, my seat was in a different coupe, quite a distance away from the rest.

AD: Why worry - they were in the same train, weren't they?

BC: Yes, but all the food packed for the journey was with them. I had to order food in the train and it was terribly bland...

AD: So it’s technology’s fault that the dal was watery…

BC: There’s a lot that you can credit the railways for, but when it comes to food, you have to admit that they tend to make a meal out of it.

AD: I would rather think of the convenience that technology provides. For instance, you don’t need to carry a ticket if you’ve booked it online - the SMS you get with your PNR number is good enough.

BC: And the TTE matches that with the print-outs he carries...

AD: Even that’s set to change – TTEs are being given handheld devices which will help in automated ticket checking.  The details are immediately passed on to the central database and the empty berths are allotted to RAC or waitlisted passengers…

BC: So we book tickets through mobile phones and they check it using hand-held devices… Sounds futuristic!

AD: That’s right! The convenience is not just in terms of ease of booking and options, but also in terms of time.

BC: You mean it’s faster…

AD: No, I mean that the website lets you book or cancel tickets 23 hours a day, except between 11.30 and 12.30 in the night…  

BC: What about a break of journey? Online booking doesn’t accommodate that, does it? We have a few friends getting on at Bapatla, where the train stops just for a minute. A niece is getting on at Balarshah. My cousins are getting off at Nagpur and will join us in Delhi a couple of days later… One of the friends who got on at Bapatla will have to get off at Gwalior…

AD: Now I know why booking queues and trains move so slowly… It is guys like you who drive the rest of us to opt for flights…

BC: Speaking of flights, isn’t it an irony that airlines are being grounded, but the cost of air tickets is soaring?

AD: Are you blaming technology for this?

BC: No, all I’m saying is that technology keeps bringing in new fads, but they just get shunted out… There are many who still prefer the ‘counter’ approach.

AD: ‘Counter approach’ sounds like a war strategy, but it doesn’t work in the case of airline tickets - most people prefer online booking because of the deals available…

BC: That’s right, they opt for discounted airfares, but on cancellation…

AD: …they get back peanuts.

BC: Now you know why they sell peanuts in trains – it’s a constant reminder that the railways, your old faithful, will never let you down. 

The Great Tech Sale

Entrepreneurship in technology is all about two things – big ideas and big money, says a technology fan.

AD: Hi, have you been following the news on Instagram?

BC: What’s that?

AD: A free mobile app for photo sharing… They were bought by Facebook for a billion dollars.

BC: An app that makes you a billionaire – how cool is that? But all that money for a free download?

AD: That’s the power of a big idea…

BC: It’s a pity that I’m an old-timer, otherwise…

AD: Tim Zagat, the co-founder of Zagat, a hotel rating company, was over 70 when Google bought it for around $ 150 million.

BC: That hurts…

AD: The under-30 brigade has made it too. Haroon Mirza, along with two other partners, formed CognoVision, a company that produced software for tracking ads through facial recognition. He became a millionaire at 29.

BC: Don’t know about facial recognition, but Intel can be credited for talent recognition. Guess you need to have the mental make-up for such greatness…  

AD: Even make-up sells - Mariam Naficy and Varsha Rao made $110 million by selling their online make-up company, Eve, to Idealab.

BC: Good to know that Indians have also benefited from technology…

AD: Facebook’s next acquisition, Tagtile, is a mobile royalty rewards company started by Abheek Anand and Soham Mazumdar, both of Indian origin.

BC: And who can forget Sabeer Bhatia and the sale of Hotmail to Microsoft for $400 million?

AD: India has its own story too – in 1999, Satyam Infoway bought over IndiaWorld websites, owned by Rajesh Jain, for Rs 499 crore.

BC: Couldn’t you have done something useful in your teens? You could have become a millionaire...

AD: Guess my parents weren’t as understanding as Jason Citron’s folks were. When I should have been busy playing video games, they tried to get me to study…

BC: I don’t understand.

AD: Apparently, Jason was mad about Nintendo games from his childhood – he turned his childhood passion into a career by creating OpenFeint, a mobile platform for gaming.

BC: And it got bought over…

AD: …by GREE, a Japanese company, for $104 million… He became a millionaire at 26!

BC: I still can’t get over the big numbers…

AD: In that case, what would you say to YouTube’s $1.65 billion acquisition by Google? Or Skype’s sale to Microsoft for $8.5 billion?

BC: Whew! With a good idea, a billion dollars is just a click away!

AD: If a click’s worth a billion, imagine what a double click would be worth…

BC: Double that?

AD: DoubleClick, an online advertising company was bought over by Google for $3.1 billion – that’s double of what Google had paid for YouTube.

BC: Wow, these guys seem to mint money!

AD: You could too, if you had a venture like mint.com. Aaron Patzer started this money management site and sold it to Intuit for $170 million.

BC: Wonder how long it would take to make a million…

AD: Adam Cahan had started IntoNow, an app that gives you information about TV shows. In just three months, he sold the company to Yahoo! for close to $30 million.

BC: So technology does speed things up…

AD: Technology doesn’t need fancy degrees either - Jack Abraham, a school dropout, co-founded Milo – an online shopping site – and sold it to eBay for $75 million…

BC: From school dropout to $75 million in two years… I just don’t get it!

AD: Get what?

BC: I always thought great tech buys were about gadgets - who would have thought it would be about companies?

A dose of (augmented) reality

Technology makes ads more creative, more captivating – and more complicated, says an old timer.

AD: What’s that you’re checking out in the papers?

BC: Have you seen the weird designs in these ads? The little squares...

AD: They’re QR codes...

BC: Queer, yes, but QR?

AD: QR stands for Quick Response – QR codes are images with little squares... When you scan the code, you are led to more information about the product…

BC: There was a time when print ads in newspapers and magazines tried to drive customers to the stores.

AD: How has that changed?

BC: Today, they're driving them to the nearest computer...

AD: …or a smartphone, which is right in their hands.

BC: So what's the future of this QR code?

AD: It remains to be seen if it has one. The buzz is that it’s fast being replaced by AR...

BC: What's that?

AD: Augmented Reality. This technology exposes you to a whole lot of interactive content when you scan an object that is coded or tagged, with your smartphone.

BC: How is AR different from QR?

AD: For starters, QR Code is a clearly visible graphic that you saw in the ad. With AR, you can make the image or the object a tag by itself. AR opens up the third dimension and you can see digital images and information that have been layered on the object that has been scanned.

BC: So print ads have moved on to AR…

AD: Not just print ads…  Today even newspapers are being created using augmented reality.

BC: The reality around us is already looking scary... I can't imagine what augmented reality will make a scam or a price hike look like...

AD: Oh c’mon... Just imagine pointing your smartphone at the newspaper - all the static text and images become dynamic and play themselves out.

BC: Holding a newspaper and a cup of coffee simultaneously is a challenge by itself... And now, one has to hold a smartphone too...

AD: No wonder technology’s evolution was so slow during your times...

BC: Perhaps we never envisioned a future with a newspaper, a mobile, a cup of coffee - and human beings with three hands.

AD: Think of a future instead with AR glasses, so you can keep your mobile in your pocket.

BC: AR glasses, interactive newspapers – sounds a lot like fantasy...

AD: It’s not just the print media. Augmented reality has taken over everything from coffee cups to cafes, outdoor displays, bus shelters...

BC: Do you think people actually walk around holding their mobiles in front of them, like they show in the ads? It's a busy world... Everyone's rushing somewhere...

AD: Perhaps this technology can help streamline their lives...

BC: But how will people even know what QR or AR is?

AD: This is more for the generation that’s attached to smartphones, breathes apps and cannot think of life without Facebook and Twitter...

BC: Technology is meant to make things simple - think of the effort required here....  Imagine reading an ad, grabbing your mobile, choosing the right app, switching to camera mode, scanning the graphic, wait for the info to download...

AD: Those who are interested will definitely check it out...

BC: But most people don't even know about QR and you say it's already on its way out?

AD: These are early days, though… You can’t write off technology…

BC: At least augmented reality will keep us busy enough not to worry about something more serious...

AD: What is that?

BC: The harsh reality.

More technology, more work

The more technology we use, the more time we spend at the workplace, according to an old-timer.

BC: Hey, what’s up? I’ve been trying to get in touch with you for a while…

AD: Work’s pretty hectic… I’ve been coming home late almost every day.

BC: Despite having a table full of gizmos to help you?

AD: What do you mean?

BC: During my times, we had typewriters on our tables. Everything was manual - accounts had to be written in huge ledgers, there was no CAD software for R&D, no CRM or SCM packages... And yet we stuck to reasonable working hours.

AD: As technology evolves, one needs to ring in the changes…

BC: Forget ringing in changes, you could hardly hear telephones ringing back then. Phones were considered a hindrance and there was a lot of hesitation to have one on every table - there were departments that had just one common phone for everyone.

AD: So what did people do to stay in touch - eavesdrop?

BC: Perhaps we didn’t need technology to stay connected. Today, you probably need social networking sites.

AD: Research has revealed that social networking sites pose a threat bigger to productivity than porn. Apparently, for every company that bans porn in the US, there are 12 that restrict access to social networking sites.

BC: Banning porn sites is futile because you can still bring a Playboy magazine to work. But try bringing along 450 friends to chat with...

AD: It’s not just about chatting; the younger lot is also into serious gaming…

BC: So employees are fighting Mafia Wars instead of fighting competition and are growing crops instead of growing the market.

AD: So why blame technology for it? Employees should be more responsible. Just because the PC stands for ‘Personal Computer’ doesn’t mean that it can be put to personal use at work.

BC: Perhaps companies should lay down rules about…

AD: Most organizations impose firewalls or offer restricted access to mail and internet.

BC: Just blocking access to the internet or to social media won’t help because employees can message, tweet and create posts using their smartphones…

AD: With Smartphones, we can now work from anywhere. Could you even imagine working from home during your days?

BC: I can’t, simply because it’s such a horrifying thought! Smartphones, laptops, tablets… Who on earth would want to bring their office home?

AD: But these gadgets help in multi-tasking …

BC: Apparently Bill Gates had three screens in front of him - one to check mail, another to browse the net and the third for his correspondence…

AD: I can’t imagine asking my boss for three monitors…

BC: He’ll probably tell you that if you wanted to stare at multiple screens all day, you could find a job as a salesman in a TV showroom.

AD: But technology does help employees save so much time at work…

BC: Is that why you are working late every day?

AD: Do you mean to say that before computers and the internet, productivity was 100%?

BC: No, but at least we used to get back home early to crib about work and the boss to our family and friends. Today, even that’s done from the workplace, possibly on Facebook or Twitter.

AD: However, I don’t think that limiting access to social networks is an answer.

BC: The problem is not about organizations offering employees unlimited access to technology- it’s about technology offering organizations unlimited access to employees…

AD: Why do you say that?

BC: Because you spend more time with wi-fi than you do with your wife.

Fast - but can’t last

The more advanced the technology, the lesser the lifespan of a product, claims an old-timer.

AD: Hi, where are you taking that fan?

BC: This is the third time it’s going for repairs. And it’s hardly a year old.

AD: You probably keep it on all the time.

BC: Don’t get me started… My other fan is almost 30 years old and works like a...

AD: …breeze?

BC: It’s not funny. Today’s ads talk about how products are made with the latest technology, but they just don’t last.

AD: Listen, your fan could have been a faulty piece, but…

BC: It’s not just about fans… Your Dad’s Lambretta scooter lasted for decades, as did your first TV or any other gadget.

AD: But they’re all outdated now.

BC: The only reason people changed their black and white TVs was because colour TVs came into the picture, not because their old TVs stopped working. The same goes for music systems that played audio tapes, until CDs came along…

AD: Maybe customers don’t want to hold on to their gizmos for long. Take mobile phones for instance…

BC: My old Nokia 3110 and 6610 went on for years…

AD: Who would want to keep a phone for more than a couple of years? Smartphones today, smarter phones tomorrow…

BC: That’s not the point. If new technology is meant to be superior, why does it not translate into better quality products?

AD: Of course it does. Take cars for example. Haven’t features like precision steering, disc brakes and safety parameters resulted in better cars today, compared to the ones manufactured a few decades ago?

BC: Not a week goes by without an automobile major recalling tens of thousands of its models to replace or repair a faulty part.

AD: As Ford famously declared, you should choose a vehicle that’s ‘built to last’.

BC: That tagline reminds me of your granddad’s ancestral house – it’s almost a century old and is still standing strong. Compare it with today’s buildings that develop cracks and leaks in a matter of years.

AD: Just because a couple of builders do a bad job…

BC: Hold on, is this all that you can achieve with CAD solutions and simulation software? Paints, roofing, waterproofing, insulation - everything's become better with technology, and yet the houses don't stand for as long as they used to...

AD: Listen, old-timers like you want everything to be picture-perfect…

BC: Even our pictures were better than yours. The black and white pictures of your dad’s wedding are still intact, but your college snaps have already yellowed and faded despite the latest technology in printing, developing, resolution…

AD: During your times, technology wasn’t evolving as fast as it is today. Maybe people had to hold on to their existing TVs and scooters until the next big thing came around…

BC: How can you use this argument to justify poor quality?

AD:  Perhaps today’s manufacturers are worried that people won’t buy newer products if the older ones lasted forever…

BC: Can’t they see value in the fact that good quality will lead to positive word-of-mouth feedback...

AD: ...which will ultimately increase sales?

BC: Absolutely! Right now, their only concept of value seems to be the figure on the price tag...

AD: It’s called planned obsolescence…  Create products with a limited lifespan and allow technology to phase them out.

BC: Isn’t that a pity?

AD: What do you mean?

BC: The latest technology can help sales go through the roof, but cannot stop irate customers like me from hitting the ceiling.