Me and my selfie

Love is in the air, but thanks to technology, people are falling in love with themselves, claims an old-timer.

AD: Hi, what's the Oxford English Dictionary doing on your desk?

BC: I'm planning to give it away...

AD: Why, did you buy the latest version?

BC: No, I'm shattered that they've begun introducing strange words into their dictionary...

AD: Like what?

BC: Like selfie - sounds like it's short for selfish.

AD: It's the term used to describe people taking shots of themselves...

BC:...and posting it online. You don't have to explain.

AD: Of course! Both social media and the print media are full of articles, pictures and descriptions of what the word means and how it is becoming so popular.

BC: But imagine Oxford English Dictionary recognizing it as an…

AD: Look, you can’t argue with success, can you? It has been crowned the most popular word of 2013. And for your information, it has not been included in the Oxford English Dictionary – it is part of Oxford Dictionary Online.

BC: Interesting, but why would people want to keep shooting photos of themselves and post it online?

AD: Look, when they posted their holiday photos, you had a problem with it. When they posted photos of their pets, you cribbed. And they can't post photos of their kids winning the lime-and-spoon race, of their morning breakfast or of a view of the sky from their window, according to you. So that leaves them with no option, but to post their own photos...

BC: But why this compulsive need to click themselves? I find it strange that even celebrities indulge in it… On one hand, they fight with photographers and complain about invasion of their privacy - and on the other, they keep clicking themselves and uploading the photos on...

AD: It's just a fad - and like any other wave, this will rage on and on and will fade out once the next big thing comes up...

BC: That's the problem with technology… Look what it has reduced all of us to - we're becoming so full of ourselves.

AD: Wait, don't tell me that selfies began with Facebook and Instagram...

BC: Reports have it that over 90 million images uploaded on Instagram each month are selfies, with the hashtag #me.

AD: Go back to the era of instant photo boothsand polaroids…Remember how teenagers rushed to those tiny cubicles and had their mugs shot?

BC: At least they didn't show it off to the world...

AD: Pity they didn’t have social media back then… And what about the era before that? Everyone wanted their portraits hanging on the wall to show off that...

BC: That wasn't a selfie - it was an artist painting them...

AD: Isn't that still indulgence? Portraits came at a cost, but thanks to technology, taking a digital photo and uploading it on a social networking site are both free of cost...

BC: But I still don't get it - how could a word like 'selfie' be declared the word of the year?

AD: Look, Oxford Dictionary chose it simply because of its popularity - they didn't come up with the word, for heaven's sake. Besides, would you rather have 'twerk' as the word of the year? Apparently, it was one of the words being considered for the title - and with Miley Cyrus making it popular...

BC: I would rather have twerp chosen in the place of twerk - and don't ask me what it means, please look it up...

AD: Talking of twerps, you haven't met the more exciting cousin of selfie - called belfie - have you?

BC: Who's that?

AD: It's not a who, it's a what... People apparently post pictures of their bottom and it's called a...

BC: I could do without such trivia, but it makes me wonder what Narcissus would have done with a digital camera?

AD: He's the guy who fell in love with his own reflection, right? What about him?

BC: Would he have clicked selfies of himself, of his reflection or of himself looking at his reflection?

Putting the social into social media

‘Why is social media suddenly going overboard in its attempt to create social relevance?’ An old-timer wonders.

AD: Hi, you seem deep in thought...

BC: Nothing, just wondering about how the human mind works...

AD: Ah, so what were you reading last night - Freud or Sherlock Holmes?

BC: Neither - I was reading about the buzz created online by an ad for gold jewellery...

AD: Why, didn't you like the ad?

BC: Oh, I thought it was truly clutter-breaking in terms of its scripting and was fabulously shot.

AD: So you have a problem with the ad going viral?

BC: Not at all. On the contrary, I'm happy that so many people have appreciated a good ad. You can't say the same of movies, where the bad ones find overwhelming acceptance and the good ones, a mere clap or two.

AD: So what's the problem?

BC: I'm just amazed at social media's constant search to glorify something, even if it means reading non-existent subtext...

AD: Hold on, you're losing me...

BC: I would have been happy if the ad had been circulated because it was a great ad. Instead, it has suddenly been anointed as the voice that speaks out for widow remarriage and...

AD: That isn't subtext - that's the script! It's about a woman who gets married again.

BC: I know that - but look at what social media has turned an ad for wedding jewellery into...

AD: But it's looking at the current societal changes - or it's at least looking forward to such changes in society.

BC: Correction - the ad's selling jewellery. It's social media that's looking at the ad championing changes in society.

AD: So what are you arriving at?

BC: Why are we labouring to put the 'social' into social media? We either spend hours catering to our personal egos or we go to the other extreme and suddenly attempt a stab at social consciousness. It brings me back to my point on armchair activism - we  feel that we have done our bit for society simply by forwarding something or clicking on the Like button...

AD: It's definitely a forward looking ad...

BC: No doubt, but as I mentioned before, it's a great ad about a woman who choose a particular brand of jewellery when she's getting married - again. Suddenly, this ad has begun a trend - not in advertising, but in social media, with people flocking to post ads that have social connotations. Suddenly, there's an ad for a beverage about a single mother inspiring her son to come first, that's being hailed as the taboo-breaker for women.

AD: I've seen the link of an earlier ad for a women's magazine that also played up the remarriage theme...

BC: Where is all this going to end? I've seen an ad where two kids wait for a biscuit truck to go over a bump each day and pick up the biscuit packets that tumble out. So is that the sign of a confectionary manufacturer promoting social awareness about orphans?

AD: How do you know they are orphans?

BC: Well, just because they don't show a father, you've assumed that it's a single mom bringing up her son. So...

AD: How can you be sarcastic about social issues?

BC: I'm not. All I'm saying is that social media has become putty in our hands. Each day, it becomes what we make of it. If you really want to talk about social media triggering a revolution, please look up Egypt...

AD: The comparison doesn't hold good, this is an ad...

BC: Precisely what I'm saying. And talking of subtexts, there's also a section of the social media that has praised the ad for casting a dusky actor in the lead role. This, despite the fact that the director of the film has categorically stated that casting an actor with a dusky complexion wasn't a deliberate move. Again, it's the social media that's going to town with what it believes are the social  statements of the ad. This is almost like looking at Michelangelo's paintings and looking for hidden meanings and messages. Once you begin, there's no end to it.

AD: Well, there are two sides to every story and this has two as well - social and cynical.

BC: The irony of it all is that the lure of gold is considered the ultimate in material pursuits.

AD: So?

BC: Isn't it funny how we have transformed an ad that exhorts us to give in to our material pursuits, into the spark that is meant to trigger a social revolution?

Whatsapp guys?

Rapidly changing technology is making it difficult to stay in touch with friends, laments an old-timer.

AD: Hi, why the long face?

BC: Never thought keeping in touch with friends could be such a problem...

AD: Well, technology helps those who help themselves, but in your case…

BC: I can’t help it - things are changing so rapidly that...

AD: For years, man has been toying around with the need for speed. And now that it has happened, your problem is that it's all going too fast...

BC: Not too long back, I was happy to be introduced to email...

AD: Not too long back? That must have been around 15-16 years ago!

BC: Look, you must realise what a challenge it was for me to make the transition from writing letters to typing mails. And just when I was getting comfortable with email, my friends introduced me to this abomination called a ‘chat room’ where we could enter and chat as a group...

AD: I’ve read about Yahoo! Chat Rooms being pretty popular back then...

BC: I found them too annoying because we would continuously be interrupted by strangers - some of them would be downright abusive and we would have to leave the chat room...

AD: Yes, but...

BC: That was not the only problem - we were all on dial-ups. Just as everyone would assemble in a chat room, one or more of us would lose our connection - we would then have to dial up again, log in and find our friends online. I always needed help with that...

AD: I know, dial-ups were quite fickle, weren't they?

BC: Then came messenger and my friends insisted that I should download a messenger...

AD: Which one did you use?

BC: Mostly Yahoo! Messenger and occasionally MSN. But when Google Talk came along, my entire batch moved to it...

AD: It's funny trying to visualise a set of senior citizens chasing one messenger after another and trying to stay in touch...

BC: You make it sound like dogs chasing postmen. The real issue here was that unlike email, there’s no compatibility between various service providers. If your friends shift to something new, you are forced to follow suit.

AD: That problem still exists – it’s the same even with social networking sites…

BC: The messenger challenge improved with web cams and microphones coming into the scene - suddenly we didn't have to type. Everything was visual and aural. I really enjoyed that...

AD: And?

BC: Facebook happened… And all my friends moved to it. I tried telling them that it was for kids and that we were too old to be seen there, but none of them would listen...

AD: So that was how you became a Facebook user.

BC: I didn't have a choice - it was the only place where I could find my friends...

AD: So what's the problem now?

BC: Ever since mobiles became internet-enabled, they've all switched to WhatsApp and...

AD: I’m waiting…

BC: Now, my mobile keeps hanging ever since I activated a data pack…

AD: Look, if you have a problem with everything, you'll find it difficult to keep pace with technology...

BC: I know. I'm most tempted to turn around and go back to the good old days...

AD: Too late - they've even phased out telegrams, so you're stuck...

BC: It’s annoying - the harder I try to keep in touch with my friends, the more isolated technology is making me feel...

AD: So what’re you going to do about it?

BC: I’m trying to get the group together at Bessy…

AD: Is that a new social networking site? Funny how I haven’t heard of it and you have… Did you google it and…

BC: Good heavens, I was referring to the beach in my neighbourhood. And you’re right in a way - long before the internet came into our lives, Bessy used to be the quintessential ‘site’ for social networking amongst the younger generation. 

I’m quitting, here’s my video

When you have technology on your side, you can dance your way out of a job, claims a tech fan.

BC: Hi, why the pained look?

AD: I've had enough of my job...

BC: So why don't you quit?

AD: Like Marina Shifrin?

BC: What do you mean?

AD: She worked for an animation company, and made a resignation video that featured her dancing to a popular track...

BC: Quite innovative, but why go through all that trouble?  

AD: I know, but her video has garnered almost 16 million hits online, making her famous the world over. Now she has also been offered a job by Queen Latifah - a singer, actor and producer in Hollywood – during a talk show on prime time TV.

BC: Looks like technology can make anyone famous these days. So how did her ex-employer handle this?

AD: They made their own video in response to hers, showcasing their cool working conditions…

BC: Now, that really takes the cake…

AD: In fact, Marina's video seems to be inspiring other people to make their 'I quit' videos – there’s one from Brenna Jennings, a work-from-home mother that has become a hit.

BC: I don’t know what to say…

AD: Well, there's more - after Queen Latifah, Y&R Israel, an international advertising agency offered her a job too, through a video that they uploaded on YouTube...

BC: Is the whole world going mad?

AD: Nope, it's just going viral. The Y&R video has had over 50,000 views and a few people asking if they could take up the job in case Marina refused it...

BC: Where's all this going?

AD: I don't know about that, but right now, the video's going places, the battle is going on in Twitter, and…

BC: …people are going crazy trying to find out which of the offers Marina will take up.

AD: Absolutely! And talking of Twitter, Paula Abdul, a famous singer who was a judge in American Idol for eight seasons, used the social media site to quit the show in 2009.

BC: Well, looks like technology is the ultimate beneficiary.

AD: How do you say that?

BC: YouTube is having millions of hits from all these videos, Facebook and Twitter are being kept busy, and...

AD: We used technology in a different way in my earlier job - we had four templates for resignation letters stashed away in the company’s server and no one knew about it.

BC: Why four?

AD: Each had a different opening, a different closing line and a different reason for quitting. Employees could take their pick and then print it out, with suitable modifications. Tell me, would this be possible without technology?

BC: Such a furore over quitting a job - heaven help us...

AD: But there have been other instances as well - there was this designer who sent an error message as his resignation letter to his boss, with buttons for Ignore, Renegotiate and HR...

BC: I’m just happy that I don't have to work in this crazy world.

AD: It would have been a funny sight to see you quit like this in your times…

BC: What do you mean?

AD: Without digital cameras and digital storage media, you would have had to use archaic movie cameras to shoot yourself, add audio to the tapes, carry huge spools of film to the office and leave it on your boss's table, just to tell him that you are quitting. And your boss would have had to hire a projector and a screen, shut out the lights and watch the film to know that you've quit…

BC: Technology was backward back then...

AD: Perhaps, but now, all it takes to get your boss to see your resignation video is an upload onto a social networking site - and a forward. 

Password? It’s at my fingertip!

Technology has moved passwords from the tip of your tongue to the tip of your fingers, claims a tech fan.

AD: Hey, do you know that Apple is coming out with a new typewriter called iType?

BC: What???

AD: Now that I have your attention, here’s the real news – Apple has launched the iPhone 5s with Touch ID.

BC: What's that?

AD: Amazing how your question remains unchanged regardless of whether it’s a typewriter or an iPhone. Touch ID is a biometric system that uses your fingerprint as a security device to unlock your mobile. So your fingerprint becomes your digital signature or your password...

BC: But what if I hurt my fingers? What if they're bandaged or have a plaster on them? What if I nick them while...

AD: Hold on, you can record up to five fingerprints, so any of them can be used.

BC: But think of all those people who use their hands and their fingers at work - musicians, homemakers who cook and wash, writers who type non-stop... So what'll they use if their fingers get worn out - their pet's paw print?

AD: Well, a cat's paw print has already been used to unlock the 5s, but that’s because it was registered as one of the five possible impressions that can unlock the phone.

BC: So how long does it take to unlock a phone using Touch ID?

AD: Possibly a second - the amazing part is that you don't have to place the finger in the same way that you did when you registered the fingerprint. The sensor is smart enough to detect the impression from any angle...

BC: Computers, phones, digital music players, tablets - and now fingerprint recognition. I can't see where Apple is going with this...

AD: In fact, Apple planned for this over a year ago and bought over a company called AuthenTec, which specialises in fingerprint readers and ID management software.

BC: But is it safe? There are so many instances of hacking that we read about...

AD: Ok, a hacking team that calls itself the Chaos Computer Club seems to have confirmed your worst fears - it claims to have cracked the security system and has even posted videos of how it went about it. This happened less than three days after the launch... And wipe that smug expression off your face.

BC: So how has the response been to Touch ID and to the 5s?

AD: According to reports, over six million customers have ordered the 5s in the first weekend of its launch...

BC: Great, so that's six million fingerprints, and with five options each, it's 30 million in all. Where are all these fingerprints stored?

AD: I see where you're going with this. Your fingerprints are digitally encrypted and stored in your mobile's processor, so in case you think Apple has access to them or that they are all stored in a central server, waiting to be hacked...

BC: But I still don't understand all this fuss over unlocking a phone.

AD: Isn't using your finger to unlock the device a lot simpler than entering a 4-digit passcode each time?

BC: There have been other instances where fingerprint authentication has been tried out, but has not proved to be very successful...

AD: The latest technology is fine-tuning the whole process. It's not just Apple - other mobile manufacturers are also throwing in their lot with fingerprint identity sensors. Computers and tablets are also following suit...

BC: So what happens if I've left my mobile home and my wife wants to use it?

AD: There's always a backup - you can opt to use the regular passcode, as with all iPhones. In fact, there's also an option by which you can choose to disable Touch ID.

BC: With half the world choosing to use 1234 as the passcode, I'm not sure which is scarier of the two – a finger that's broken or a security feature that can easily be broken into.

When the office comes home...

‘Technology has made it possible to bring the office home, but can it keep the two apart?’ An old-timer wonders...

BC: Hi, what's the matter? It's almost noon and you still haven't gone to work...

AD: Actually, I'm at work.

BC: I don't understand...

AD: I'm going to be telecommuting for the next six months...

BC: Tele-what? Is that what they do in Star Trek when they magically appear in some other place?

AD: No, that's teleportation. Telecommuting is about working from home – or any remote location - with the help of technology…

BC: What's new about that? Even when you sit in your office, you use a lot of technology...

AD: Precisely! That’s why companies have now begun to allow employees to work from home. They can reach us by mail or over the phone. Or I could get on to Skype or a chat session. Teleconferencing, video conferences, file sharing – I can do them all from home. And at the end of the day, I wrap up and mail my work across and that's that.

BC: I can't imagine working from home.

AD: Why not?

BC: Because to me, home is an area of calm. It’s the place I come back to after weathering many a storm – at the workplace, at client meetings and in traffic. If you're going to drag the office home, you're bringing along the stress and the pressures of work to your bedroom. So how are you…

AD: Well, with laptops, smartphones and tablets, work moved into our homes long before you realised it. So why not formalise the arrangement?

BC: But how do you end a working day? Where do you draw the line between work and personal life when both are fighting to coexist in the same place?

AD: That calls for time management and good planning. Besides, look at the positives - no more strenuous drives in peak hours, no more traffic jams, no more office politics…

BC: For years, man has been deputing technology to do his work for him. And somewhere along the way, technology has made a backdoor entry into his house and has programmed his life in a way that, instead of waking up and checking out the sunrise from his window, he ends up booting up Windows and checking his mails as soon as he gets up.

AD: But you can spend more time with the family, both because you can work from home and because you save time on commutes.

BC: You're kidding me! You'll probably use up all that time updating your status messages and checking out forwards...

AD: Look at other positives - you don't have to dress up any longer to go to work. I'm sure you would have liked that...

BC: In fact, half the people these days look like they crawled out of bed and went straight to work. Regardless of all that you say, I foresee lots of problems with working from home...

AD: Like what?

BC: You can't call in sick. You can't crib about your boss. You can't catch up on watercooler gossip. You'll never know how much the next guy is making...

AD: As always, you need to find something to crib about, don't you? Besides, this is not about you. The current generation loves it, so...

BC: I'm sure they do. I'm also sure that school kids these days must be wondering why their folks are forever having that zombie expression on their faces and are lounging around all day at home in their nightclothes while they have to wear their uniforms and go to school, five days a week. I’m not sure if they’ll thank technology for it.

AD: Despite all that you say, more and more people are now getting inspired to work from home…

BC: Guess I need to start going to the office too…

AD: I thought you were retired…

BC: I was. But, now that your generation is going to work from home, I guess workplaces will be a lot more peaceful...

When earthlings turn Martians

‘Technology finally gives mankind an out-of-this-world experience – in Mars,’ announces a tech fan.

AD: Hi, did you apply to go to Mars?

BC: Do you know that it’s a one-way ticket? Why would anyone want to go there?

AD: Landing on the moon was nothing more than a Tintin adventure for decades, until it really happened. As for Mars, it has been the subject of several sci-fi movies and spoofs, until Mars One announced this trip…

BC: It sounds more like a horror movie – imagine people volunteering, knowing that they’ll never return! News has it that arrangements will be done to cremate those who die there...

AD: Initially, 40 candidates will be shortlisted and trained, from which four will finally make it. So why would anyone want to miss out on this chance?

BC: Haven't you read about the Mars curse? There have been so many missions to Mars in the past decades that have failed at various stages...

AD: Perhaps technology will evolve enough in the coming decade to undo the curse and also prolong lives...

BC: In that case, why don't you use technology and find a way to bring the space passengers back? Surely, you are aware that the reason they're staying on is because we haven't figured out a way of powering the return journey...

AD: You never know - they might come up with something by then. Can you believe that the application fee is between $25 and $38, depending on the country one is from? That's probably cheaper than a video game featuring a Martian attack...

BC: But I read that the mission will cost over $6 billion... They will probably need half the United States to apply, for them to cover the costs....

AD: While the reports say that over 165,000 have already applied, I'm not sure how many more will, because the maiden flight will carry only two males and two females. However, they're planning to follow it up with a second flight in 2025.

BC: All these numbers and dates make my head spin - are these guys serious? Is this really going to happen? It sounds like a George Lucas film that's coming to life...

AD: Apparently, a couple of commercial cargo missions have already been made. Besides, they're going to start various missions to Mars to create a settlement there, sometime in 2016. The landing systems will also be tested several times to ensure that all goes well...

BC: What happens if they fall sick or if there's an emergency?

AD: Well, they'll have to handle it themselves...

BC: Are you telling me that while cremation facilities are being made, there will be no medical facilities?

AD: Look, you can't plan for contingencies, but you can plan for certainties, right? But jokes apart, the chosen candidates will be given training for around seven years. Do you know that over 8000 Indians have applied?

BC: Can't blame them. Think of the rising fuel costs - $25 can't cover a person’s fuel costs for a week, but now...

AD: ...it can get him to Mars.

BC: Right! And how long does it take to reach Mars?

AD: Around seven months.

BC: And once they're gone, how will the world know about them?

AD: There will be extensive media coverage, and everything from the shortlisting of astronauts and the final selection, to their voyage will be covered by the electronic media.

BC: So that's the miracle that technology's giving you - a one-way space voyage and a long-lasting reality show on TV. What about Facebook updates? I can see a ‘Yuck, Mars is so dusty’ message coming up…

AD: Stop being cynical about it. Isn't this expedition bringing together the best of science, telecom, space technology and...?

BC: More than what it brings together, I'm excited about what it can take away...

AD: I don't get you.

BC: How about nominating all those people you don't want to see on earth? Isn't it a great way to clean up the planet?