Worldy Wise Women.com

Chauvinists may want to think of a world without women, but it's impossible to think of an IT world without them...

AD: Hey, what’s up?

BC: I need to finish some work quickly and then attend a wedding. We’re running late, and she's started yet...

AD: What’s taking her so long?

BC: Guess it’s all those accessories…

AD: Oh, ok…

BC: I’ve tried really hard, but I’m yet to understand why she chooses to do things so differently…

AD: Could it be because you don’t speak her language?

BC: You’re right, I don’t. She has her own logic that she internalizes with…

AD: Have you tried getting the message across?

BC: No, each time I try, she simply switches off.

AD: Perhaps her memory...?

BC: No, that’s good. I got that checked recently. In fact, she not only remembers all my mistakes, she recalls them too.

AD: Oops, that’s not good for you…

BC: And she gets heated up for no reason at all.

AD: Think she could have caught a virus?

BC: That’s not possible, she has a check-up every month.

AD: But you just cannot do without her, can you?

BC: That’s right. She's terrific in solving problems, but I guess she’s become old – I'll have to go for an upgrade.

AD: What? How can you talk about your wife like that?

BC: Wife? I was talking about my computer!

AD: But why do you refer to a computer as ‘she’? Women may not like it.

BC: If your macho bike can be feminine, so can my computer. Besides, isn’t it just a way of endearing yourself to your prized possession?

AD: Just that it’s pretty ironical… computers being referred to in feminine gender.

BC: Why, you think women aren’t good enough with computers?

AD: On the contrary, it is widely believed that the world’s first programmer was a woman.

BC: I think we’ve spoken about her once - Ada Lovelace?

AD: That's right. Women have also played a key role in developing languages - the credit for creating COBOL, a programming language, goes to Grace Hopper.

BC: News like these will definitely get more women to take up IT as a profession…

AD: Well, Mattel has been trying to inspire young girls through a Computer Engineer Barbie doll…

BC: Catch them young, huh?

AD: Absolutely! The numbers are pretty dismal in the US – according to a 2009 survey, women hold only 25% of all the computer-related jobs in the country.

BC: I’m sure India fares much better – we have so many women programmers and IT professionals.

AD: Computers have fascinated not just techie women, but also Hollywood actresses – the technique for spread spectrum communication, the technology that drives CDMA phones, GPS, wireless LAN and so much more, was created by Hedy Lamarr.

BC: And people thought actresses were…

AD: Don't say the word! The Computer Algebra System (CAS), the program for symbolic mathematics is derived from the efforts of Grete Hermann, who began as a mathematician and went on to become a philosopher…

BC: I’m sure that a computer must have had that effect on her.

AD: Your misadventures with computers are now legendary…

BC: Guess I have to go now.

AD: She’s ready?

BC: Yes, and the best part is that once she gets started, things get done in a jiffy.

AD: Your computer?

BC: No, I was referring to my wife.

The three Rs of computer maintenance

It doesn’t matter how literate one is. When it comes to making a computer work, one has to learn the three Rs all over again…

BC: The next time someone tells me that a computer helps save time, I will...

AD: Hold on, what happened?

BC: The day before yesterday, the net was slow - I had to wait for the pages to load. Yesterday, my computer had slowed down – it was an eternal wait even to open a word file. Today, my computer has crashed and now I'm waiting for the maintenance guy…

AD: Relax, patience is a virtue...

BC: That holds only for doctors, not for old timers with computer problems... Isn't there a crash course for me to learn these things?

AD: A ‘crash’ course? You wouldn’t dare pun on a topic like that, would you? Seriously speaking, there are no short-cuts – you need to start with the three Rs.

BC: You are kidding me – Reading, wRiting and aRithmetic?

AD: No, Restart, Reinstall and Reformat. Isn't that what most computer maintenance guys do? They restart your machine a few times to see if it begins working again. If that doesn't solve the problem, they reinstall the program or the OS. If that doesn't work either, they use their ultimate weapon – reformat the hard disk.

BC: I’ve suffered the last R quite a few times…

AD: I used to work in a computer company where the Regional Manager had a competitor's machine installed in his cabin. He would start each day by kicking it.

BC: Was that his way of kick-starting the day?

AD: Well, let’s say that he loved to give competition the boot...

BC: What if they kicked him back?

AD: He would probably 'reboot'...

BC: If they managed to keep scores, they would be having a neat little game…

AD: Talking of games, do you know what links the boot process to IPL?

BC: Please! Don't we all need a long break from it?

AD: Wait, IPL stands for Initial Program Load – it is the process of mainframes booting up.

BC: It always gets confusing when a term has different interpretations, doesn't it?

AD: But cricket and computers are two different worlds. How would you react to computer jargon with multiple meanings?

BC: Like?

AD: Like restore, for instance. You can 'restore' a window to its original size using the center button in the top right corner of the title bar. Restore also refers to altering the system to an earlier setting or even to its factory setting in case of a problem or virus attack.

BC: Do you think the maintenance guy will restore my faith in computers?

AD: Reload is another such term. It could refer to reinstalling a program - or refreshing a browser page to 'reload' the content.

BC: Surely the computer maintenance guy does not have to reinstall the OS just because I've lost some files...

AD: No, in that case, he would try to retrieve - in short, search for and locate the lost file.

BC: So what happens if everything's been tried out and my computer is still not working?

AD: If it’s new, we have a different set of 3Rs for it.

BC: Really?

AD: Yes, React, Return and Refund. Pick up your computer, go back to where you bought it from - and demand your money back!

Laterally linear or linearly lateral?

Technology has a linear and a lateral way of evolving – but what if the two paths cross each other?

AD: Hey, long time!

BC: Was sick for over a fortnight – the doctors couldn’t find out what the problem was. What’s the point with all this technology…

AD: Ah, I knew that was coming… why blame your illness on technology?

BC: No I’m not. But I had enough time to think of the two-pronged manner in which technology is unravelling and…

AD: Two-pronged?

BC: That’s right – give me an example of technology in our lives…

AD: Television?

BC: Er, ok. There are two groups that are constantly trying to outdo each other in taking television to the next level. The first group is trying to make the TV smarter, sleeker, flatter, smaller and more innovative, like HD TV, 3D TV, etc. This is what I call a linear extension to the product – in other words, it’s evolution along a straight line.

AD: And the other group?

BC: The other group employs lateral techniques. For starters, it begins with a key question – why does one need a television to watch TV? So it makes the TV redundant by porting the application onto another device, like the computer.

AD: So what wins, linear or lateral?

BC: That depends on whichever is the more convenient of the two. You can’t beat watching TV the conventional way, so the excitement of 3G on mobiles or on the computer has not affected the regular 29” at home. Having said that, the computer has made quite a few things redundant…

AD: Yes, table top calendars, clocks… even music.

BC: Absolutely! Ever since the computer arrived with a CD drive, people stopped buying CD players. Everyone began to listen to music and even watch movies on their computers…

AD: Then came Napster and mp3 - soon, even CD drives and audio CDs were made redundant. People could just download their favourite music for a nominal fee or for free!

BC: So the ‘lateral’ group has been at work, displacing regular audio systems, huh?

AD: It looked like that for a while, but Apple brought the linear thinkers right back on track with its iPods – a natural extension of Sony’s Walkman and the Discman…

BC: What about listening to music on your mobile? That’s as popular as iPod music, isn’t it?

AD: Agreed, mobile downloads are so popular that cellular services companies are making more on music than music label companies are…

BC: One of the most important things that the mobile phone has successfully displaced is…

AD: …the wristwatch?

BC: Absolutely! And the…

AD: …alarm clock.

BC: Correct! Another industry that’s been hard-hit by mobiles is the camera industry. First, digital cameras virtually brought the shutters down on traditional film rolls. Then they became a prominent feature in mobile phones - and suddenly, cameras went out of focus…

AD: Come to think of it, when was the last time you saw a good old-fashioned photo album? It’s all online now…

BC: I don’t mind web albums, but nothing will replace my good, old-fashioned books…

AD: Well, e-book readers are already here…

BC: Sorry, let me continue being an eccentric book reader than an electronic book reader.

AD: So, is it being a case of linearly lateral or laterally linear?

BC: As long as it doesn’t make me literally loony, I’ll just go with the flow…