Zuckerberg calling Zuckerberg

Whether you download a suite or file a suit, technology is always a boon, says a tech fan.

BC: Hey, what’s up?

AD: Did you hear about the 83-year old woman who walked into an Apple store – without seeing the glass door in front of her? She broke her nose…

BC: It’s understandable that Apple fans hate windows, but ignoring doors as well can be hazardous, right?

AD: Absolutely! However, the old lady is now suing Apple for a million dollars for not having displayed appropriate warning signs in the store.

BC: What did she expect – ‘Open door before entering’? Or perhaps ‘Don’t try to walk through door unless your last name is Houdini’?

AD: There have been crazier cases filed against tech companies…

BC: I always thought technology made people slightly crazy…

AD: It’s the IPO syndrome…

BC: You mean, invest in their Initial Public Offering?

AD: No, invest in the ‘Intercept Profits Officially’ scheme – in other words, wait for the company to make money and then file absurd cases so you can rip them off for a few millions.

BC: Didn’t I tell you that the human mind is smarter than technology?

AD: But smart enough to hide transmitters in your iPod?

BC: What do you mean?

AD: A man named Gregory McKenna filed a case against Apple that it aided the mafia in transmitting their threats through transmitters that the company had apparently fixed in his iPods…

BC: How bizarre…

AD: Bizarre is a word that has to be reserved for another case that a prisoner named Jonathan Lee Riches filed against Apple, Steve Jobs and an employee of the prison - for having attempted to sexually assault him with an iPhone.

BC: People seem to be dreaming up new ways of becoming rich…

AD: You’re pretty close to the truth. Riches finally accepted that the sexual assaults seemed to have taken place in his dreams and dropped the case.

BC: Looks like Apple can keep doctors away, but not lawyers…

AD: They make big billions - and that’s what makes Apple the forbidden fruit that’s tempting mankind…

BC: I agree with you, technology does show the way to a prosperous future…

AD: However, technology may not always show you the right way.

BC: Why do you say that?

AD: A woman, who used Google maps to find her way, mistook the directions, continued into a busy highway and got hit by a speeding car.

BC: And she has sued Google?

AD: Yes, for 100,000 dollars, because she was given directions that were unsafe.

BC: Sounds like people won’t stop until they get the whole company.

AD: And in some cases, they’ll want the Chairman of the company.

BC: What?

AD: An Israeli entrepreneur named Rotem Guez changed his name to Mark Zuckerberg and legally registered it…

BC: I don’t believe this…

AD: He then sued Facebook because they had blocked his profile...

BC: So there are two Zuckerbergs now?

AD: Apparently, there are quite a few out there... Facebook then sued the fake Zuckerberg for violating their policies through his business activities.

BC: Facebook sued Mark Zuckerberg?

AD: That was one of the reasons why he changed his name – to see if they would sue ‘him’.

BC: If they ever make a sequel to The Social Network, they can call it the Face-to-face book…

AD: One can imagine the press having a field day with Mark Zuckerberg suing Mark Zuckerberg…

BC: Who would have thought the Like button would take on a whole new meaning? Instead of having people ‘like’ their founder, Facebook now has to contend with another like him.

Gen Y – and tech-shy?

‘They can Skype, but can’t fix a leaking pipe’, says an old-timer of Gen Y.

AD: Hey, why have you taken your scooter apart? Planning to sell it by the kilo?

BC: Of course not! I prefer taking care of her myself. Can you lend me a hand here?

AD: Sorry, I don’t know a thing about these machines…

BC: Hey, aren’t you a mechanical engineer?

AD: Yes, but…

BC: Aren’t engines, motors and gears an integral part of the technology involved in your field of engineering? And yet...

AD: Listen, I’m into information technology now, so…

BC: It doesn’t matter. The basics of technology always lie in understanding how things work – and that’s where your generation – Gen Y - seems quite helpless.

AD: To hear this from a tech-averse old-timer like you…

BC: I’m sure that loading apps or using the latest features on their android phone comes naturally to Gen Y, but ask them about the technology behind GSM and…

AD: Why do we need to know about GMSK, GPRS and EDGE to use a mobile phone?

BC: It’s about knowing how things work. You may be a whiz in packing your car with GPS, Bluetooth and Wi-Fi features, but do you know how multi point fuel injection works?

AD: Look, we don’t need to store that kind of information in our head - it’s available online. We can locate and download anything in seconds.

BC: There’s a difference between knowing something - and knowing where to find it. This is the problem with technology…

AD: I was wondering when you’d get there…

BC: Isn’t it true? If something’s broken, Gen Y would rather replace than repair. During our times, we could set right anything from a faulty motor to a leaking tap or a broken chair.

AD: Life was simpler back then. It's a busy world now – we have no time…

BC: Correction - you have no skills, so you simply pay someone else to get the job done…

AD: Look, your generation didn't have a choice…

BC: The fact is, we loved doing things ourselves. As a kid, I don't recall a time when a plumber, electrician or mechanic ever visited my place...

AD: So why should technology take the rap?

BC: The younger lot today can’t build, fix or restore… All they can do is click, download and share…

AD: Surviving in today’s world calls for a different set of skills…

BC: Skills? Gen Y has absolutely no DIY skills… In fact, DIY used to be ‘Do It Yourself’ during our times. Now it seems to be ‘Downloaded It Yesterday’.

AD: But isn’t this a classic problem that has always been around?

BC: What do you mean?

AD: Every generation believes that future generations know nothing…

BC: Remember the time when the two of us were driving to Yercaud and the car stalled in the middle of nowhere? I was trying to find out what was wrong…

AD: So was I!

BC: You were busy checking if your mobile was receiving signals…

AD: That was to get help.

BC: No, it was to take a snap of the car and post it on Facebook with a message – ‘Stuck in the middle of nowhere, but with an old man. Pity only the first half of my wish has come true.’

AD: A friend saw it and wanted to know if we needed help...

BC: If that’s your way of asking for assistance, the only help you probably need is of the professional kind. 

Queueing up for online tickets

Why stand in line when you can book your tickets online, asks a technology fan.

AD: Hi, where were you? I’ve been waiting for a long time…

BC: I was waiting for a long time too – at the booking counter, to buy a train ticket to Delhi.

AD: You still stand in queues for tickets? Ever heard of online booking?

BC: It’s quite complicated, actually…

AD: Listen, each day, over 350,000 people book train tickets online, so why do you think...

BC: But online reservation does not allow bulk booking…

AD: It’s only your extended family - you could book six tickets at a time.

BC: The last time I booked tickets for the family online, my seat was in a different coupe, quite a distance away from the rest.

AD: Why worry - they were in the same train, weren't they?

BC: Yes, but all the food packed for the journey was with them. I had to order food in the train and it was terribly bland...

AD: So it’s technology’s fault that the dal was watery…

BC: There’s a lot that you can credit the railways for, but when it comes to food, you have to admit that they tend to make a meal out of it.

AD: I would rather think of the convenience that technology provides. For instance, you don’t need to carry a ticket if you’ve booked it online - the SMS you get with your PNR number is good enough.

BC: And the TTE matches that with the print-outs he carries...

AD: Even that’s set to change – TTEs are being given handheld devices which will help in automated ticket checking.  The details are immediately passed on to the central database and the empty berths are allotted to RAC or waitlisted passengers…

BC: So we book tickets through mobile phones and they check it using hand-held devices… Sounds futuristic!

AD: That’s right! The convenience is not just in terms of ease of booking and options, but also in terms of time.

BC: You mean it’s faster…

AD: No, I mean that the website lets you book or cancel tickets 23 hours a day, except between 11.30 and 12.30 in the night…  

BC: What about a break of journey? Online booking doesn’t accommodate that, does it? We have a few friends getting on at Bapatla, where the train stops just for a minute. A niece is getting on at Balarshah. My cousins are getting off at Nagpur and will join us in Delhi a couple of days later… One of the friends who got on at Bapatla will have to get off at Gwalior…

AD: Now I know why booking queues and trains move so slowly… It is guys like you who drive the rest of us to opt for flights…

BC: Speaking of flights, isn’t it an irony that airlines are being grounded, but the cost of air tickets is soaring?

AD: Are you blaming technology for this?

BC: No, all I’m saying is that technology keeps bringing in new fads, but they just get shunted out… There are many who still prefer the ‘counter’ approach.

AD: ‘Counter approach’ sounds like a war strategy, but it doesn’t work in the case of airline tickets - most people prefer online booking because of the deals available…

BC: That’s right, they opt for discounted airfares, but on cancellation…

AD: …they get back peanuts.

BC: Now you know why they sell peanuts in trains – it’s a constant reminder that the railways, your old faithful, will never let you down.